Friday, February 5, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Comedy In Store
I am on a fresh campaign in the big smoke, blitzing though a number of meetings and dinners. I have Goldenbollocks, my young Norwegian colleague with me. Needless to say, our livers are taking a battering.
We have a cancellation. No dinner meeting Thursday evening. Thank You. A night off. We need a break. We need a change of scenery. We usually hang around in my favourite Soho haunts getting pissed til the wee hours of the morning. Not tonight! We’ll do something different.
Besides, I need to get Goldenbollocks home early. We have an important meeting the next morning. I often leave him in Soho at the end of the evening, and he surfaces 10 minutes before our morning meetings usually with no or little sleep but thankfully freshly showered. I think he’s Lestat incarnate.
He’s a babe magnet. Women throw themselves at him. I have had to stop introducing him to single girls that are friends of mine and the mrs. They inevitably avail themselves of his services with a rapidity that is well, rapid.
I surf the entertainment directories: musicals, theatre, concerts, films… Unbelievable, thousands of things going on in London and I cannot find one of interest. London is dull in January. Well, to be fair, most places in the Northern Hemisphere are dull in January.
Aha, the Comedy Store. That’s the ticket. A good dose of politically incorrect verbally abusive stand up! In the queue on the way it, a little fawn standing in front of us starts talking to Goldenbollocks. Here we go. Thankfully, she is waiting for her boyfriend. I rein his leash in.
There is a four comic line-up compered by Roger Monkhouse! We are second front row and are convulsing with laughter. It is base, racial, political, violent and hilarious. Some of the best comedy surfaces through human tragedy. The multi-ethnic crowd is howling.
This is just what the doctor ordered! I love comedy. Nothing beats live standup.
It’s 2 am and we are in my Soho club with the fawn and her boyfriend. Don’t ask. Golenbollocks and I are a comedy of errors. Thank the lords we have not yet found the other set of twins.
Beaverboosh
We have a cancellation. No dinner meeting Thursday evening. Thank You. A night off. We need a break. We need a change of scenery. We usually hang around in my favourite Soho haunts getting pissed til the wee hours of the morning. Not tonight! We’ll do something different.
Besides, I need to get Goldenbollocks home early. We have an important meeting the next morning. I often leave him in Soho at the end of the evening, and he surfaces 10 minutes before our morning meetings usually with no or little sleep but thankfully freshly showered. I think he’s Lestat incarnate.
He’s a babe magnet. Women throw themselves at him. I have had to stop introducing him to single girls that are friends of mine and the mrs. They inevitably avail themselves of his services with a rapidity that is well, rapid.
I surf the entertainment directories: musicals, theatre, concerts, films… Unbelievable, thousands of things going on in London and I cannot find one of interest. London is dull in January. Well, to be fair, most places in the Northern Hemisphere are dull in January.
Aha, the Comedy Store. That’s the ticket. A good dose of politically incorrect verbally abusive stand up! In the queue on the way it, a little fawn standing in front of us starts talking to Goldenbollocks. Here we go. Thankfully, she is waiting for her boyfriend. I rein his leash in.
There is a four comic line-up compered by Roger Monkhouse! We are second front row and are convulsing with laughter. It is base, racial, political, violent and hilarious. Some of the best comedy surfaces through human tragedy. The multi-ethnic crowd is howling.
This is just what the doctor ordered! I love comedy. Nothing beats live standup.
It’s 2 am and we are in my Soho club with the fawn and her boyfriend. Don’t ask. Golenbollocks and I are a comedy of errors. Thank the lords we have not yet found the other set of twins.
Beaverboosh
Friday, January 22, 2010
Experts are Boring
A quorum of the coalition of the willing met up last night to discuss the Oslo Blog Gathering scheduled for August 2010, organised by our spiritual blogging leader Renny.
Unfortunately, not all of the bitches could make it… absent bitches, I miss you, please come next time!
The event was hosted by the First Hotel Millenniun in central Oslo, and what a hosting! An intimate tour of the facilities accompanied by wine, tapas and great conversation! Guests from everywhere on the planet will certainly enjoy this facility and the down to earth friendliness and helpfulness of the team! It has become our base of operations!
Before dinner, Anne from Visit Oslo gave us as a comprehensive briefing! The Oslo Pass is an integrated transportation and attraction pass that once procured, offers you the use of the city’s resources for free. It’s pretty cool but I don’t think it includes waxing or teeth whitening, I’ll check. Clearly organ transplants and elective cosmetic surgery are on a pay as you go basis.
I digress.
Anne is a legend. Her enthusiasm is infectous! During the briefing, she explained that the best way to compere visitors around town is to post an event, time and meeting place, and if anyone shows up, just do it, adding that people don’t want to see experts, they are boring. How right she is, I could not agree more.
The last time I compered foreigners around Norway was in Bergen the day after Mrs. BB and I married. Replete in my Norwegian National Dress and with umbrella in hand, I guided visitors around Bergen, a city which I really knew nothing about.
Pointing out statues and associating any famous Norewgian name I could bring to mind eventually got me busted. Faking an Olav Bull for a Greig, I was politely corrected by a local, in a most graciously knowing way. Telling my guests that over 1,000 trolls were displaced and had to be relocated to the North of Norway to make way for the new tunnel to the airport drew howls of derision from locals in the pub.
Experts may be boring, but I am not exactly sure laypersons are exciting, most certainly grossly inexperienced for the task at hand. I shall try my best, I don’t want to let Renny down. He has done an excellent job to get the city behind this event – I mean, the mayor is kicking off the first evening of the Gathering with a champagne reception… whoa!
Unfortunately, not all of the bitches could make it… absent bitches, I miss you, please come next time!
The event was hosted by the First Hotel Millenniun in central Oslo, and what a hosting! An intimate tour of the facilities accompanied by wine, tapas and great conversation! Guests from everywhere on the planet will certainly enjoy this facility and the down to earth friendliness and helpfulness of the team! It has become our base of operations!
Before dinner, Anne from Visit Oslo gave us as a comprehensive briefing! The Oslo Pass is an integrated transportation and attraction pass that once procured, offers you the use of the city’s resources for free. It’s pretty cool but I don’t think it includes waxing or teeth whitening, I’ll check. Clearly organ transplants and elective cosmetic surgery are on a pay as you go basis.
I digress.
Anne is a legend. Her enthusiasm is infectous! During the briefing, she explained that the best way to compere visitors around town is to post an event, time and meeting place, and if anyone shows up, just do it, adding that people don’t want to see experts, they are boring. How right she is, I could not agree more.
The last time I compered foreigners around Norway was in Bergen the day after Mrs. BB and I married. Replete in my Norwegian National Dress and with umbrella in hand, I guided visitors around Bergen, a city which I really knew nothing about.
Pointing out statues and associating any famous Norewgian name I could bring to mind eventually got me busted. Faking an Olav Bull for a Greig, I was politely corrected by a local, in a most graciously knowing way. Telling my guests that over 1,000 trolls were displaced and had to be relocated to the North of Norway to make way for the new tunnel to the airport drew howls of derision from locals in the pub.
Experts may be boring, but I am not exactly sure laypersons are exciting, most certainly grossly inexperienced for the task at hand. I shall try my best, I don’t want to let Renny down. He has done an excellent job to get the city behind this event – I mean, the mayor is kicking off the first evening of the Gathering with a champagne reception… whoa!
I am not sure even my best behavior will keep me out of trouble this time!
Omg, maybe she said "Expats are boring"!
Beaverboosh
Friday, January 15, 2010
Mama Mia
In a fit of romanticism, I ask Mrs. BB out on a date. It’s just the thing needed to break through the bleakness of a January weekday.
We shall see a film.
Not particularly spoiled for choice, I review the options:
Our date will be in front of the television at home. After all, it is too cold to venture out. I assemble a hot take away meal and queue the film.
Well, I laughed so much I was crying!
Definitely a fluffy chick flick, but loads in it for the boys in addition to all of the hot girls in swim suits!
Most will find something to like about this film, except Pierce Brosnan’s terrible singing! It is a real feelgood film!
In the end, we both had huge smiles on our faces and wiped away the January blues! It was a hot date.
Mama Mia, I am concerned about the effect this cold weather is having on my testicles, I am becoming a big girl’s blouse!
Beaverboosh
We shall see a film.
Not particularly spoiled for choice, I review the options:
- Sherlock Holmes – Guy Ritchie’s return, more of a boys film, a bit of grit, not enough romance
- A Serious Man – Love the Cohen Brothers and Clooney, comedy but dark, not light and fluffy enough
- Avatar – Hate Cameron films (bar Terminator), not Mrs. BB’s thing, people who have seen the film are depressed they will never get to another world like Pandora… Get A Grip People!
Our date will be in front of the television at home. After all, it is too cold to venture out. I assemble a hot take away meal and queue the film.
Well, I laughed so much I was crying!
Definitely a fluffy chick flick, but loads in it for the boys in addition to all of the hot girls in swim suits!
Most will find something to like about this film, except Pierce Brosnan’s terrible singing! It is a real feelgood film!
In the end, we both had huge smiles on our faces and wiped away the January blues! It was a hot date.
Mama Mia, I am concerned about the effect this cold weather is having on my testicles, I am becoming a big girl’s blouse!
Beaverboosh
Friday, January 8, 2010
The Big Chill
It’s colder than a witch’s tit.
It's colder than a nun's cunt on a ski slope.
It's colder than a whore's heart.
It's colder than a nun's cunt on a ski slope.
It's colder than a whore's heart.
It’s colder than a mother in law’s love.
It’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.
It’s so cold my balls have become ovaries.
It’s so cold only people like "Ed" have enough time to piss their names in the snow.
It's so cold all women appear happy to see me.
It’s so cold that nipples can cut glass.
It’s so cold that it’s become an inconvenient truth for Al Gore and pals.
It’s so cold that Beaverboosh can’t ski. It is my personal hell and it has frozen over.
Beaverboosh
Friday, January 1, 2010
Naughty Tweenies
Having been very naughty through the noughties, I expect to keep it up in the tweenies!
To 2010 and beyond, and hopes and wishes for your best years yet!
Beaverboosh
To 2010 and beyond, and hopes and wishes for your best years yet!
Beaverboosh
Friday, December 25, 2009
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