Friday, March 14, 2008

High Infidelity

The Governor of New York Eliot Spitzer publicly announced Monday that he had used the services of a prostitute in a Washington hotel on February 13th. Spitzer has a lovely wife and 3 daughters and was being groomed as a future presidential candidate.

Eliot, what the fuck were you thinking?

Drunk on power… insecure about your small wee wee… feeling unloved… or just following a long held Democrat tradition? At $5,000 an hour I doubt there was much money left for a decent Valentine's present for the wife.

As Attorney General Spitzer was a paragon of virtue. He engaged in witch hunts on Wall Street
prosecuting those who were not whiter than white or did not sink. The US stock market rallied Tuesday on the news and posted its highest day gain since 2002. It is now alleged that he has been using prostitutes for years. My my what a spectacular fall from grace.

The French are capacious on matters of infidelity. Infidelity is a prerequisite to Grand Ecole graduates seeking appointments as government ministers or industry executives. If you do not publicly but discreetly keep a mistress you will not be considered for promotion to high office. There is no gender discrimination, married women are proliferate connivers as well. It is simply the way of life in France.

The English are promiscuous and indiscreet. Other halves are not invited to the office xmas party which is a scene of mass snogging, groping and fondling in full public display with no shame. Married people of both high and low office conduct affairs with regular aplomb, as if it was routine. A colleague of mine once shagged his new girlfriend, his ex-girlfriend and his ex-girlfriend’s best friend in the same week.

Welsh and Scottish men are rampant cheaters but I am not sure sheep shagging technically qualifies as infidelity, unless of course you are married to a sheep.

The Irish are very secretive about conducting their infidelities. If and when an affair is exposed one can be assured that 50 Hail Mary’s will be required for the transgression. Divorce is ungodly
so the path to redemption is short.

The Japanese salary man is into transactional infidelity. He requires a hostess after an alcohol fuelled evening of whisky and noodles. Often, the act of infidelity is not committed due to alcoholic ineptitude, vomit and snoring. Japanese housewives retort, flying by the gaggle to Thailand to avail young boys of their services.

American men unsurprisingly large it up on the infidelity front. They have a higher number of affairs than the guy next to them with girls that have bigger hair, bigger breasts, and larger assets,
and they brag about it constantly. Infidelity usually starts with a 1-800 phone number and a credit card.

Norway is small and everyone knows your business so infidelity is less common. Just as well, your apt to find the neighbour your having an affair with is a blood relation.

Canadians are more cerebral when it comes to infidelity. They are likely to talk about it and analyse it from many perspectives but never actually engage in the act of it.

I digress.

Eliot, don’t expect Wall Street to participate in your salvation following your resignation. You may be forgiven for your sins by your wife, family and friends, but you will be scorned for the rest of your life on the Street as a hypocrite of unparalleled magnitude. Principled men and women find your type vile.



ian in hamburg said...

Wall Street was in such a party mood because the only watchdog they couldn't buy off is now out of the way, so they can go back to business as usual - ie screwing the small investor.

Your colleague with the three-in-one-week deal: was he an American? You did mention they tend to brag about it... Maybe it's an adult version of teenage boys trying to out-bullshit the other on how far they've gone with the girlies?

Jonny said...

I'd like to add another group, country and continent to your list, blacks (Zulu's, Matabele, Venda and a few other tribes) in South Africa!

Infidelity is crazy, but accepted it seems. Not like you need to as you're allowed to have multiple wives. It's just that the lobola is very high, so you need to be a wealthy man to afford it. Jacob Zuma, the new leader of ANC and most likely new president (if he is not jailed for corruption, rape and a few other offences), is a good example! He is lining up for his 5th wife now... and the 6th is ready too!! The question is; "Who will be the first lady"??!!

Our "garden boy" is trying his luck with our "domestic helper" at the moment. She is married though, so who knows what's gonna happen now... End of report from the crossfire!!

Anonymous said...

word from the late night comics here was that Spitzer, known to the escorts as "Client 9", was really more of a "Client 4 1/2".

fascinating look at the world of infidelity. through my professional travels (ie: drinking at technical conferences) i've often been the sole non-spousal female at social events... not that i'm particularly hot, but damn - it's like feeding time at the zoo in some countries...

Gary said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. THAT, my friend, was a funny blog entry!

Just one question- I'm of Irish descent but American by birth....

Can I BUY redemption with that credit card?

Just askin'.....

OSLO said...

I think you've got the makings of a paper entitled: 'Guide to the extra-marital mating habits of humans based on geographical location of birth'. Should be required high school reading, Professor BB.
As for Spitzer? WHAT WAS HE THINKING? Oh, no I guess the problem was what he was thinking WITH?

upset waitress said...

Hey, Kristen is living proof there is hope for all of us waitresses :)

Anonymous said...

what about the aussies huh? and don't forget the kiwis too?

beaverboosh said...

ian - the english rarely brag. The colleague was staying at my flat! Possibly indiscreet.

johhny - the question is more like who will be 5th and 6th ladies? Those african garden boys eh - I am thinking of getting one for nursemyra for xmas.

daisyfae - haha! Hey girl, now I understand why you are always at conferences!

gary - redemption is trading at an all time high along with commodities and is difficult to buy using leveraged instruments like credit cards. Good luck!

oslo - joanna they don’t have professors at high school outside of Ireland. Yes, part of mans brain is located in his penis. Client 4 1/2 had a large part of his brain in this very small place.

uw - now your talking girl! Make this year your most professional and financially successful year ever! P.S. When you suck your navel through your asshole, you can stop going to pilates, not go as in went, though it might be difficult to control.

nm - antipodeans are boring on this topic. They have the lowest rates of infidelity on the planet and are big on monogamous same partner relationships. Interestingly, they top the league tables in masturbation.

Zhu said...

I don't think French cheat as much as the whole world think they do... However, when it comes to politics or anything for that matters, it's considered as "private matters". Therefor, most French didn't see the big deal for example in the Clinton affair.

That said, that guy screwed up big time. What an idiot!

Anonymous said...

"...I digress..." *snort*
In South Africa, infidelity is generally frowned upon, but tolerated. Secretly supporting the rugby team from another province is, on the other hand, considered to be the lowest form of betrayal.

beaverboosh said...

Zhu - reputational damage, I think it is very civilised! -

Yeah, total effin idoit eh!

Kyknoor - welcome! Yeah, the rugby thing is an offence punishable by battery in many countries. In Canada, it is (ice) hockey!

Johnada said...

The Spitzer Affair is crazy, but definitely not on par with my favourite type of exposed affair in America. That of the Christian fundamentalist with a taste for men, often younger men. From on anthropological standpoint, those are some fascinatingly repressed dipshits.

Theresa said...

You've got a whole sociological study going on over here. I'll add that in Spain people try to keep any infidelity a secret, but they don't seem to care too much about their politicians' sex lives. Then again, most of the Spanish politicians don't spend $5000 an hour on prostitutes, so it's hard to tell.

As for Spitzer, what an idiot! If he'd been a little more careful nobody would have found out, and he'd still be in office...but the guy must be really stupid to get caught.

beaverboosh said...

johnada - younger ones eh, that is straying into capital punishment territory for me!

theresa - great point - life is often about what you get away with! The Emporer's Club was under FBI investigation - poor choice Elliot! In J Edgar Hoover's day, he would have been quietly tipped off and blackmailed for the rest of his political life! (spanish infidelity habits noted and filed)

upset waitress said...

Ahaha I get your comment now that you cleared it up. Hahaha it's still funny :) I drink you know!

beaverboosh said...

I suspected as much!

upset waitress said...

Wow, so you're a one a week poster. That's a good thing since I have a short attention span. Usually takes me 8 visits to completely read a 5 sentence entry. I'm almost done with this one.

beaverboosh said...

Once a week does it for me, but it has to be quality! I like a girl that takes it slow, it can be alot to take in.