Friday, April 30, 2010

Apology Forthwith

A pleasant dinner on Thursday evening at Brasserie Max, my bolthole in the Covent Garden Hotel, with two very close friends.

I have been in meetings all afternoon at my Soho club. It was a revolving door, one after another. I started drinking at 14:30, a bit late for me, but I am practicing restraint.

By the time dinner hits the table at 21:00, I am through half a bottle of Montrachet. The nectar is topping off the 8 bottles of Bitburger I consumed during the afternoon sesh followed by the 4 Bloody Marys at the bar before dinner, rather nicely.

I am fucking toasted.

The discussion moves to a mutual friend. For some reason I am a bit rantish. Must be high blood sugar.

“There was a time she wasn’t happy unless she was getting fucked by 10 large black cocks a week”, blurts out me.

I hear the sound of cutlery drop. There is an eerie silence at the table next to us. Two elderly ladies are looking up at me, shocked.

I am horrified. My pals are pissing themselves laughing. I hate it when I do this. My facade of an Edwardian gentleman has transmogrified into an Edwardian street urchin.

On my way out for a cheeky Marly I stop by the old girls’ table.

“I am so sorry, please accept my apology, I am horrified... can I buy you both a drink,” asks me?

One of the old girls responds in a lovely Scottish accent, “Now it is nothing we have not heard before,” cracking a wry smile, “we’ve been around you knooow.”

She went on to tell me how sweet it was that I offered an apology, and gracefully declined my offer of a drink.

The atmosphere was warming up. I thought they were going to ask me to pull up a chair and tell them more stories of fucking and big black cocks.

A little apology goes along way, even when it is an apology for fucking large black cocks.



Anonymous said...

That's it - I disown my own!
How the hell did a Scottish person DECLINE a drink!
I am truely rocked by this ;o)

Karen ( fae Scotland!)

Anonymous said...

a few more drinks and you might have chatted them into a three way pretzel fuck... but you might have regretted that a bit in the morning.

jinjir minjir said...

I once had a large black cock. But the doctor said that if I stopped masturbating that hard, that often, then it should go away.

kyknoord said...

Ah, but you never explicitly apologised for the large black cocks, did you? Maybe they thought you were apologising for cutting the story short.

American in Norway said...

OMG... my how I have missed you...

Anonymous said...

last night 6 of us gals went out to dins. The poor business man sitting alone at the table next to us nearly choked on his soup. *cackle* I like livening things up.

nursemyra said...

Never apologise for a large black cock

Rob said...

Awwww, daisyfae stole my comment! Seriously BB, I think those two old gals wanted to take you home.

As me old da used to say: "An old granny is the best lay. Why you ask? Well, because they think it might be the last one they ever have, so they give it everything they've got."

Lisa said...


Zhu said...

Well, at least you were being honest... right? :-D

RubyTwoShoes said...

I too can show such *restraint* and not start drinking until 2.30pm, its easy, I just get up at lunch....

suicide_blond said...

i *heart* you and your big cock stories of all shades.. xoxo

Michele said...

I don't know who I adore more, you or the grand old Scottish lasses.

RennyBA's Terella said...

Sounds like Soho has changed a bit since I was there last - about 35 years ago? Or maybe not? ;-)

Btw1: Of course I will love to play golf with you: Name the time and course!

Btw2: Need you the 10th of June - are you game?

beaverboosh said...

anon - unbelievable eh!

df - not my style, if it was you and NM, a no brainer

jm - don't stop dude

kyk - doh!

ain - hey sweet thing, missed you too

dolce - i would have likely gone titatium listening to that sort of filth

nm - sorry

rob - i'll leave that department to you and your old boy if it is ok...

lisa - i don't think so but thanks

zhu - honesty is my biggest strenght and weakness

ruby - most excellent restraint darling, most excellent

suicide - i *heart* you and your comments

michele - kind of you but the Scottish lasses win by a mile

renny - not changed at all actually, still as sporty as ever... definitely on for the the 10th June... will drop a note on golf, blog gathering planning etc. next week

Return to Norway said...

Bwahahaha - you show verbal restraint.... bwhahaha

beaverboosh said...

caroline - it will be the end of me, i am sure of it!