High Infidelity

The Governor of New York Eliot Spitzer publicly announced Monday that he had used the services of a prostitute in a Washington hotel on February 13th. Spitzer has a lovely wife and 3 daughters and was being groomed as a future presidential candidate.

Eliot, what the fuck were you thinking?

Drunk on power… insecure about your small wee wee… feeling unloved… or just following a long held Democrat tradition? At $5,000 an hour I doubt there was much money left for a decent Valentine's present for the wife.

As Attorney General Spitzer was a paragon of virtue. He engaged in witch hunts on Wall Street prosecuting those who were not whiter than white or did not sink. The US stock market rallied Tuesday on the news and posted its highest day gain since 2002. It is now alleged that he has been using prostitutes for years. My my what a spectacular fall from grace.

The French are capacious on matters of infidelity. Infidelity is a prerequisite to Grand Ecole graduates seeking appointments as government ministers or industry executives. If you do not publicly but discreetly keep a mistress you will not be considered for promotion to high office. There is no gender discrimination, married women are proliferate connivers as well. It is simply the way of life in France.

The English are promiscuous and indiscreet. Other halves are not invited to the office xmas party which is a scene of mass snogging, groping and fondling in full public display with no shame. Married people of both high and low office conduct affairs with regular aplomb, as if it was routine. A colleague of mine once shagged his new girlfriend, his ex-girlfriend and his ex-girlfriend’s best friend in the same week.

Welsh and Scottish men are rampant cheaters but I am not sure sheep shagging technically qualifies as infidelity, unless of course you are married to a sheep.

The Irish are very secretive about conducting their infidelities. If and when an affair is exposed one can be assured that 50 Hail Mary’s will be required for the transgression. Divorce is ungodly so the path to redemption is short.

The Japanese salary man is into transactional infidelity. He requires a hostess after an alcohol fuelled evening of whisky and noodles. Often, the act of infidelity is not committed due to alcoholic ineptitude, vomit and snoring. Japanese housewives retort, flying by the gaggle to Thailand to avail young boys of their services.

American men unsurprisingly large it up on the infidelity front. They have a higher number of affairs than the guy next to them with girls that have bigger hair, bigger breasts, and larger assets, and they brag about it constantly. Infidelity usually starts with a 1-800 phone number and a credit card.

Norway is small and everyone knows your business so infidelity is less common. Just as well, your apt to find the neighbour your having an affair with is a blood relation.

Canadians are more cerebral when it comes to infidelity. They are likely to talk about it and analyse it from many perspectives but never actually engage in the act of it.

I digress.

Eliot, don’t expect Wall Street to participate in your salvation following your resignation. You may be forgiven for your sins by your wife, family and friends, but you will be scorned for the rest of your life on the Street as a hypocrite of unparalleled magnitude. Principled men and women find your type vile.

Beaverboosh