Sunday, December 2, 2007

Second Place Is For Losers

Norway was bumped into 2nd place by Iceland in the 2007 UN Human Development Index (HDI) this week. Well done Iceland who has been No 1. in the Russian Money Laundering Index (RMLI) since the fall of the USSR! Norway had held the No. 1 spot since 2001, when it bumped Canada, who had held the top spot for all but two years since 1985.

The HDI is a composite of 3 measures: life expectancy, literacy and Gross Domestic Product (GDP). This is basically a gross proxy that tells us we have lots of money, can read well and think we are clever, and live longer! This last measure is understandable as both Norwegians and Canadians are very boring but laugh a lot both of which contribute to longevity.

Other surveys released this week offer less surprising results and included:

  • The Name a Stuffed Animal Mohammed Index (NSAMI) : Sudan
  • The We Finally Got Rid of the Cunt Index (WFGRCI) : Australia
  • The Suburb Rioting and Sheep Burning Index (SRSBI) : France
  • The Un-removable President Index (UPI) : Russia
  • The I Can No Longer Calculate Our Inflation Rate Index (ICNLCOIRI) : Zimbabwe
  • The Shedding Tears for Generals Index (STGI) : Pakistan
  • The Deeply and Darkly Disturbed Prime Minister Index (DDDPMI) : Britain

What the HDI survey does not measure is happiness!

A recent survey found that Scandinavians admitted to being depressed more often than other Europeans… the Mediterranean countries were so happy that I considered moving!

So being highly developed clearly leads to depression. Great, but somehow I feel I have always know this.

However, Scandinavians are more happy with their jobs than anyone else in Europe. 70% surveyed said they were happy or very happy at work, compared to 50% in the UK. Belgium workers came in at 30%. If you have ever been to Belgium this needs no explanation.

The Norwegian statistics are explicable. Most people in Norway are out of the office door at 3 pm, leave at noon on Friday for their weekend places, take all of July, Christmas break, Easter and most of May off work, and in general do eff all during the day but talk about what they are going to do when they finish work.

More than half of the work force in Norway is employed in some capacity for the government. When you add in the politicians, the unemployed, the infirmed, the prisoners, the elderly, and the schoolchildren, you are left with about a dozen people that actually do the work. Unfortunately, I am one of them.

And everybody in Norway earns pretty much the same spondoolies! No wonder they are so effin happy, even the street cleaners drive Mercedes!

Canada has held the number one spot on the Human Doughnut Index (HDoI) since it was bumped by Norway from the No. 1 spot on the HDI. Canadians spend 1 in every 25 dollars at Tim Horton’s the national doughnut chain. The HDoI is a proxy measure for fat arses and love handles, one of the best global indicators of civilised development.

Clearly Canadians and Norwegians are very developed human beings!

Lies, damned lies and statistics, eh!



Zhu said...

Go Canada!

The country is always well rated everywhere... it's a nice place, true.

AS for Scandinavians countries, they have a good reputation in Europe at least.

You must be double happy with this one!

Johnada said...

While Canada no doubt leads the world in the HDoI index, don't forget how the U.S. leads the world in both the FAI (Fat Arse Index) and LHI (Love Handles Index) due to it's love of taking totally disgusting things and deep frying them - Plus there's the only measurable index that ever matters, the WSWASWMBDWETI (We Say We're Awesome So We Must Be Despite What Everyone Else Thinks Index), which the U.S. always dominates, though China has been making some headway.

christina said...

Human Donut index. Heh. I've only set food in a Tim Hortons once in my life (because I don't think they had them when I left Canada) and I STILL have love handles. Go figure.

And think the Germans are only slightly happier about their jobs than the Belgians are. If you've even been to Germany this also needs no explanation. :-)

mjohnson said...

Plus Norway has one of the world's largest soverign wealth funds as you chose not to set fire to the dosh from your oil, but instead put it in a big sack. One question remains, how do you get in?