Friday, April 11, 2008

The Rain in Spain

I have only experienced horizontal rain in Asian monsoons and Caribbean hurricanes if I exclude visits to the West coast of Norway. Oh yes, and the West coasts of: England; Scotland; Wales; Ireland; and, occasionally North America.

It is depressing and seriously fucks with my golf karma.

I read in the Times on Tuesday that Spain is suffering its worst drought in 4 decades. This story is barely palatable. Climatologists suggest Spain is one of the countries worst affected by global warming, though claim very leaky pipes are a big part of the water shortage. Valencia and Catalonia are the hardest hit regions.

No such luck in Andalucia. The weather gods are conspiring with the golf gods to punish me for one of my many sins. Though I am agnostic, a sin in itself, this often happens to me when visiting Catholic countries. I am holed up safely in the Casa as the wind whistles around corners and the rain pelts the windows.

Even the wildlife has taken refuge. Tuesday morning, Mother duck waddles by the Casa with her gaggle of chicks in tow in search of higher ground. It is very cute but signals to me the dangers at hand. Ducks are good swimmers. They are seeking higher ground. Something wicked this way comes.

Rabbits are not good swimmers. I awake Wednesday morning to a stream of dead bunnies in front of the Casa. It is like Watership Down on acid. I can only assume the local warren has flooded and has spilled onto the property. Mrs. BB weeps like a child for the bunnies. Seeing her in this state breaks my heart. I hug and console her promising to dispose of the carnage shortly after breakfast.

Surveying the task at hand I select a 3 iron from my golf bag. I will repatriate the rabbits to their hole in the rough next to the fairway, a sort of makeshift par 3 mass burial. The bunnies are small but very wet. I change clubs opting for a fairway metal with more loft.

With a gale force 5 to my back the trajectory of the flight is high. The greyness of the horizon is intermittently broken by rabbits gracefully sailing through the air. No holes in one but all makeable birdie putts. I take them as ‘gimmes’ and leave the putter in the bag. This is the only opportunity I will have to swing a club this week and I feel much better for it.

My Spanish amigos are relieved the forecast indicates He will rest on the 7th day. I think He will need a few weeks’ holiday. After the havoc wreaked here He must be spent. I am grateful the weather will be pleasant on Sunday for the drive to Seville to catch the flight back to Oslo, were it is forecast to, uhm… well rain.

I should have listened to Eliza’s repeated warnings and avoided the plains.



Anonymous said...

Presume that you yelled "Fur" instead of the more traditional "Fore"?

Zhu said...

Depressing here too. Not that you would be surprised but... lovely yesterday and now, today, within a day, we managed to get hail, snow and rain. Woohoo. So much for spring... fucks up my karma as well!

beaverboosh said...

daisyfae - haha lol!

zhu - more snow on the way in Norway - extended ski season!

ian in hamburg said...

Forget the rain, in Prince George they have the world championship snow golf. At least they used to anyway. It was a great way to break the winter into three parts: Christmas/New Year drinking, winter, snow golf drinking.

Anonymous said...

Well let's hope the bunnies were atheists, if any of them talked in the afterlife and it got back to Caerbannog you are potentialy in deep doo doo

suicide_blond said... worries love..ive been banned from several catholic countries..and im catholic! sorry to hear about the bunny massacre...maybe the UN should put together a coalition ... and invade....cause you know...that usually works soooooo well...

Qelqoth said...

Wales is notorious for excessive rainfall. Much like the rest of the Shittish Isles really.

But Port Talbot is the best. A lovely Welsh seaside town which is complimented by big looming pillars of smoke and outbursts of caustic acid rain.


beaverboosh said...

ian - snow golf drinking. These are a few of my favourite things. I'll need to check this out

anonymous - welcome! I'll be found nowhere in the vicinity of the Black Beast of… Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrggghhh…

suicide_blond - welcome. Yeah, be aware of the dominant religion of the country you chose to sin in! Stable door sweets, better send the UN forensic team… it’s a mess

qelqoth - lovely indeed. I think mrs bb and I will spend our beach holiday in Port Talbot this summer, for the waters

Anonymous said...

Your golf karma?

Frankly, the installation and promotion of golf courses in drought-plagued areas such as AndalucĂ­a should immediately ensure at least two cockroach reincarnations.

We loved the rain here last week, even though it pretty much ruined the April fair. We always love it when it rains here, even when we complain about it.

Hey! Next time you and Mrs Bb are in Sevilla you have to let me know so I can take you guys out for tapas. Have you seen my tapa blog?

Sevilla Tapas

Johnada said...

I prefer the wedge with rodents, but I guess you must have had a good lie.

Anonymous said...

So much for rabbit feet being lucky. Didn't help those bunnies at all.

beaverboosh said...

azahar - In my case it will probably be a bunny reincarnation! Though we are a new “eco community”!

The Tapas blog is very impressive. We will take you up on your kind offer during our next visit

Many thanks

johnada - good choice but I was looking at 185m/200yds

kyknoord - I think it was good luck for them that they were reunited with their home. I'm not sure a rabbit's foot ever brought a living bunny luck, unless it desperately required an amputation

Michele said...

As someone wrote here a couple of weeks ago, you, Mr. BB, are an institution. This post is hilarious. You have outdone yourself. You are very much appreciated by all (although of course I do not speak for the bunnies of Spain...may the little floaters RIP).

Anonymous said...

goddamn - you and mrs beaverboosh were in spain too early. don't you know that daisyfae and nursemyra will be descending on sevilla in june?