Friday, September 5, 2008

Palin Comparison

Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska introduced herself to America before a roaring crowd at the Republican National Convention on Wednesday night as “just your average hockey mom”.

Canadian boys are reared playing hockey, it is our National sport. Having grown up playing competitive hockey, and having been surrounded by average hockey moms, I shudder at the memories. Washington, prepare!

Osama Bin Laden must be quaking in his boots at the thought of a new Republican administration. Years of the Bush regime’s incompetence has given him freedom. Sarah and a posse of moose hunting, snowmobiling hockey moms will sniff him out in a jiffy.

The hockey moms will be on the phone to his terrorist friends in that unmistaken demeaning tone of voice, extricating his whereabouts by threatening to expose embarrassing misdemeanours unknown to their moms. The terrorists will break like brittle autumn twigs.

Osama will be frogmarched out of his hideout, by the ear, and be humiliated in front of his terrorist friends. And then he will be grounded, big time!

You can’t get away with anything where hockey moms are concerned. Roger Waters penned a North American version of this Pink Floyd classic in empathy with hockey mom boys:

Hockey momma gonna check out all your girlfriends for you
Hockey momma won’t let anyone dirty get through
Hockey momma gonna wait up until you get in
Hockey momma will always find out where you’ve been
Hockey momma gonna keep baby healthy and clean.

She went on to ask the delegates Wednesday if they knew "the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull."

"Lipstick," said Palin.

She is clearly from the era of yummy hockey moms. In my time, I do not recall hockey moms wearing lipstick, most looked like pit bulls, though there was an occasional alsatian and the odd collie.

I am big fan of America. It is the best British invention since the House of Commons.

I have a great interest in how America votes. As a Canadian expatriate of many years, I can reliably inform America that most of the world has a great interest in how America votes.

The last 8 years have been the darkest period in America’s history. People who live in democracies around the world would never have voted for someone with eyes as close together as Bush’s. It’s just not right.

Sarah Palin is not from the capitalist elite, intellectual elite, political elite, or a political dynasty. She is a woman of the people, a commoner (aka redneck to the rest of the world). You have to go along way back to find anyone like that in the slick world of American politics.

Palin is a breath of fresh air, warts and all.

In that respect, the other candidates pale in comparison.


P.S. America, my brethren, whomever you chose to vote for, vote for the team you think will restore the integrity of the values of democracy, peace, public service, and free and fair markets, that your current administration has so seriously fucked up.


kyknoord said...

"...the best British invention since the House of Commons..."
I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. Could go either way.

Anonymous said...

sadly, the whole world has great interest in how America votes...they tend to have a bit of an impact. Which is deeply terrifying when you look at the candidate choices and the last administration.

Victoria said...

As an American woman, I'm positively insulted by Palin. I can't WAIT for the Biden/Palin debate.

itelli said...

This post was way too serious. How can I be sure u r not an american that (when abroad) tells people he is Canadian?

Anonymous said...

a breath of fresh air? perhaps in contrast to all the windbaggage of american politics. suitable for high office? hardly - the woman truly believes that creationism should be taught as SCIENCE in PUBLIC SCHOOLS.

nothin' cute about stupid...

ian in hamburg said...

What a refresingly non-partison look at things, beave, especially your final sentence. Can we just fast-forward to early November just so we won't have to deal with all the inevitable attack ads and knife-throwing?

You're right about the hockey mom angle too. There have been more than a few parents banned for life from hockey arenas for their rabid "support."

Lesley said...

Oh puleeze, you cannot be serious.

Anonymous said...

I surmise the air quality in Norway must be terrible.

Michele said...

Woo hoo, Mr. BB, you're gonna take some shit for this one! I hope you're ready! ;-)

I'm with daisyfae here. I can't get on board with Palin's rejection of science. And choice. And sex education (except, apparently, the DIY kind). I bet she's against masturbation, too. Really, she's kind of scary. She's pretty, though, so that will win over a lot of people. Americans like new, shiny things. Look how much they love Obama.

shantanu said...

Just when I thought the US Presidential elections couldn't get any more exciting, Palin comes in!

OSLO said...

Did you know that Sarah Palin only got her first passport last year (according to the Irish Times) ????? Forget 'Audacity of Hope', she's just got plain AUDACITY!

Anonymous said...

warts and all? have you been looking in her panties?

donstuff said...

BB said: "Sarah Palin is not from the capitalist elite, intellectual elite, political elite, or a political dynasty. She is a woman of the people, a commoner (aka redneck to the rest of the world). You have to go along way back to find anyone like that in the slick world of American politics."
It seems that this could also describe Obama (except the redneck woman part).
Thanks for the read - it's always interesting.

Johnada said...

There are about a million reasons why Sarah Palin is not a breath of fresh air to me, most of which involve me being related or having to work with women just like her. These type of women (and men) tend to be suffocating - they listen to Christian radio, they talk about their husbands in deference and everything that goes right or wrong at work is part of God's plan. (BTW, that voice and accent are 100% Minnesota, I have no idea how she got it in Alaska).

beaverboosh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
beaverboosh said...

kyknoord - monarchist? oligopolist? Maybe the House of Commons needs a bit more time. As the first premier of the People's Republic of China in the 1950s, Zhou Enlai is supposed to have said, when asked about the impact of the French Revolution: "It's too early to tell”

dolce – too right girl, let us hope they get it better this time!

victoria – oh dear, that sounds serious. Thank goodness you are not negatively insulted…

itelli – how do you know I am not a terrorist, a rather pathetic one, but one nonetheless?

df – as living proof of theistic evolution (the back hair and knuckle dragging), I have no problem teaching creationism in school - Christians, Muslims, and Jews all believe in it and they represent a significant enough chunk of the world ~3-4B people. Hey, let’s teach Hinduism, Buddhism and Confucianism. Why stop there, lets teach capitalism, socialism, communism, feminism, sexism, abolitionism, adoptionism, absurdism… and how mortgages work. Allow people to make their own choices and hopefully knowledge will aid in better understanding of others with a degree of humility. P.S. Obama is Christian and thus one must deduce if he is practicing, he believes in creationism. P.S.S. Palin suggested teaching creationism in ADDITION to the current science curriculum

ian – it is disgusting to see politics in the world’s most developed nation descend to bare knuckle punches and mud slinging but says a lot about how leadership is viewed in America and what is perceived as ‘required’ to win…

lesley – serious? About what? With a name like Beaverboosh?

anonymous – No, I was referring to the air in Washington which generally stinks. The air in Norway is generally pretty fresh, though there is a whiff of militant socialism and economic incompetence around the parliament on Karl Johan’s Gate

michele - Woo hoo? Really Michele! Generally those that advocate abstinence are proliferate masturbators of the most accomplished order… I’m getting excited now… I thought Gore was going to win in 2001… if you disregard the dimpled chad issue, Bush related more to middle class voters… beware the lessons of history, especially where hockey mom are concerned…

shantanu – exactly… it has really shaken up the establishment! Sell the governor’s jet on e-bay, publish the state expenditures on the internet… whoa…

oslo – she has 1 more passport than most of the people that find her appealing and will vote for her. That’s America fur ya

nm – look, vaginal warts can result from anal sex, sharing sex toys… she’s a wild one that one, especially for a governor

donstuff – Obama may have been a man of the people at some point and time in his life, but as a magna cum laude Harvard Law Graduate, first African-American President of the Harvard Law Society, University Lecturer specialising in Consitutional Law, and a published architect of socialist policy, he has crossed the line… albeit an impressive crossing to an academic / intellectual and frankly brilliant orator and communicator. I am not sure hockey moms or rednecks in middle America would see him as a man of the people...

johnada – good thing you moved to Canada pal, not a lot of the Christian right, but many other interesting varieties of fruitcakes!

Joao said...

It seems she's in the right direction: War against Russia? I think she'll crash and burn all by erself.

beaverboosh said...

joao - maybe so, but she will have a lot of hockey moms behind her