Sunday, January 13, 2008

Hair And Now

That most informative UK rag, the Daily Mail, has run a story keeping us abreast of important issues of state. PC Plod, having conducted an extensive 3 year investigation, is prepared to testify at the Inquest that ‘Diana preferred men with hair on their backs’.

This follows an article in the same compendium in the run up to Xmas availing us of the news that Nigella, the domestic goddess, vowed a similar obsession with a greater specification for hair quantity. It would appear that nothing short of a Neanderthal grooves her truffles. No offence intended Charles, you are a very lucky man… and clearly have better taste in women than art.

There is a god… thank you girls! (Diana of course posthumously).

When Girl met BB, she was not sure whether I was a boy, man, monkey or puppy dog. As time went by, no greater clarity of identity emerged, so in the end she accepted all of them.

As most men get older they lose hair. The rate of growth of mine increases logarithmically by the month.

Anna Wintour is an inspiration to me, she gets her hair done every morning. I have recently posted an ad for a live in barber though I am nervous as I hear that butcher Sweeney Todd is back in town.

I could never commit a heinous crime, I am a walking DNA crime scene. I’d be busted quicker than a vicar’s grope of an altar boy’s privates at morning prayers.

Now I do not want to give my many millions of admiring weekly female blog readers an inaccurate mental image of BB, though if you have one at all, you likely coughing hair balls at this stage. Beaverboosh is ripped like the statue of David, you just cannot see the 6 pack for the down.

Lately, a little tuft has developed on the back of my shoulders… I have been thinking of getting it dreadlocked and hanging it outside of my shirt but it is not long enough yet. I am looking into extensions.

Thankfully, I have concluded the new tuft is but a girly patch after careful field observations in the gym showers last week. I have no hair on my ass, and certainly none growing on the palms of my hands or feet like a number of hobbits I saw gaggling in the sauna. I don’t need a strimmer for my ears or nose and have not yet developed antennae eyebrows.


In any case, I am growing accustomed to it as it is hair to stay.



Qelqoth said...

Dodi Al Fayed was a wolfman? Who'd have thunk it? This really does shed a new light on the whole Princess Diana conspiracy of 1997.

nursemyra said...

i am inexplicably attracted to hairy men. I think it's a pheromone thing

Zhu said...

I'd wax you. I'm pretty picky with my own eyebrows (which I religiously pluck everyday) and other mildly hairy parts. So yeah, I'd wax you :D

Johnada said...

Bald dudes don't find complaints like this amusing, especially bald dudes that occasionally need to trim their nose hair. Thankfully, no back hair though.

beaverboosh said...

Qelqoth - Yeah, who'd have thunk!

Nursemyra - May you be blessed with copious hairy men

Zhu - Tu es tres gentils, but I cannot stand the idea of a waxing. I am consigned to the planet of the apes

Johnada - Hey, what do you mean bald? You are not a blond?