Exodus

This week is winter holiday in Norway and the papers are brimming with reports of the annual exodus from Norwegian cities to the mountains for a week’s skiing. Norwegians enjoy 5 weeks of holidays a year (Second Place Is For Losers), though by my estimation most take double that due to voluntary overtime or involuntary incompetence.

The exodus has led to, amongst other things, a slow domestic news week. I am drawn to the front page headline 'Man Reports Roof Missing' for further investigation. A man arrived at his mountain cabin to find the entire roof missing. He promptly reported it to the authorities. The cabin is in a remote location and takes 2 hours to ski into.

Photo: Associated Press

"It must have weighed at least 2 tons," he said. "This is just wild. There must have been amazing forces at work here."

Local police immediately launched a helicopter and a special dog “roof sniffing” search team to locate the roof and apprehend the amazing forces.

“We are not sure how far they have got, but with two tons of roof, in deep snow, we are hoping at minimum to recover the roof, though we are prepared that it may already be out of the country” reported a police spokesman.

The rising tide of crime, which is usually blamed on foreign immigrants, has now moved from urban areas to the Norwegian heartlands. Roofs have become the latest target and are believed to be leaving the country at a rate of hundreds a day destined for developing countries suffering roof shortages.

“We are not safe anywhere anymore,” cried a man from Stavern, Norway’s smallest town known as ‘The Dimple of Norway’. He suffered the unfortunate tragedy of having his car, roof and wife stolen in the same week.

BB has remained safely in the office this week seeking quiet. I have been hugely productive without the local impediments stopping everything I do dead in its tracks.

Just a few more days and I will have brokered a deal to sell a large fjord and mountain range on government land in the northern part of the country to the Chinese. No one has taken notice. Lord knows what they will do with the land or how long I will be able to keep it a secret.

I suspect they are planning to build a roof factory.

Beaverboosh