Friday, June 20, 2008

Midnight Sun

Summer solstice is upon on us. I look forward to frenzying with the Scando pagans around a bonfire in the sacred forest. Witches were traditionally the first choice for the blaze. With the way the economy is going, I fear this year it may be foreigners. I make preparations to peroxide my body hair and hone my Norwegian accent. From today, I call myself Bevermunn!

It is light here all day in Oslo. The sun disappears just before midnight but a permanent dusk remains until sunrise at 4. 10 pm can feel like the late afternoon. There is a tinge of madness in the air. Six months ago, you were lucky to see the sun for a few hours. The hoards on the streets at midnight look a little wild eyed!

I awake to find an industrial team with drilling apparatus on my front lawn. The noise of the drilling fractures my peaceful sleep and reminds me I should have passed on that last glass of wine. I know there is an oil crisis, but urban drilling rigs? They leave a small but very deep hole in the garden and disappear quickly. Dry I guess. I prepare myself for a visit from the corn planters.

It is swim suit season. I notice that a small but perfectly formed love handle has pierced the side seam of my golf shirt. Back to the gym I am afraid. I try on my fashionable swim suit in anticipation of a weekend at the beach. I secure it just below my tits. That will keep the feisty little mound in place.

I have also noticed my penis is frequently getting more chubby. I fear this has nothing to do with the gym and more with the nubile peaches out in full summer dress. At this time of year I must wear dark sunglasses for fear of embarrassing myself. It is of little help as they are usually steamed up and I cannot see a thing. I have run into more breasts than you can shake a thing at.

In preparation for summer holidays, people are in a festive mood and the restaurants and bars in town are heaving until the early hours of the morning. In Norway as in many parts of Scandinavia, most office workers take the full month of July off and head to their summer houses on the fjord. As most people in Norway work for the government in some capacity, Oslo will be vacated by 1 July, save the daily cruise ships, and the prostitutes.

No rest for the wicked, I am off to London and will work my way through most of the holiday period! Some of us must try to keep the economy going through this mad period!

Beaverboosh

9 comments:

Joanne Rasmussen said...

I dare not say anything about our foreigners here, bonfires and the like would be a little touche! You may have heard over there about our problems. Thanks for an amusing post as usual.

azahar said...

What are these holidays of which you speak?

daisyfae said...

the swimming gear? for the love of god, please tell me they aren't speedo's? up to the tits? the very defninition of "Atomic Wedgie"...

Johnada said...

I admit to being very confused about the drilling situation. What was that all about? Or does permanent daylight give one visions?

Zhu said...

No comment about the penis thing...

But isn't it weird to go from no sun to almost 24 hrs daylight? This has always fascinated me in Northern countries, although I have never experienced it. Must screw up your biological clock...!

Shantanu said...

I have always been fascinated by the midnight sun. I wonder which season is the best one to see Norway, when there is no sun, or when there is too much of it!

Re: love handles, I guess some things transcend geography! :)

beaverboosh said...

joanne - Too right, we thought SA would blow up because of apartheid. Keep safe girl!

azahr - sømmer ferie - summer holidays - 4 weeks in July... to go along with the 1 week in the autumn, 2 weeks at xmas, 1 week for winter break in Feb, 1 week for Easter, and 4 days public holidays in May and June… oh, and up to 10 days flex time which everyone takes… oh, and 20 sick days… oh, and 20 sick days for each child… oh, and temporary sick leave…

df - please darling, Vilebrequins are the only ones that reach my tits - better for Super Wedgies! Though I have been thinking of growing a moustache and getting a Speedo for the girl’s high school swimming class I am scheduled to teach in the autumn

johnada - don't know. They disappeared as quickly as they arrived after drilling 3 holes. Bizarre… asked around… no one knows!

zhu – thanks for not commenting on the chubby penis, I am sensitive about it. The sunlight is no problem for me, except in October when the time changes but we have xmas too look forward to, which is a very traditional time, and skiing of course. By 21 Mar there are 12 hours of daylight and darkness!

shantanu - August is great, generally sunny and everyone is back to work so it is not to busy. Xmas is great as well if you have friends and can enjoy a traditional holiday! If ever interested, pop me a mail and we can discuss. Love handles are global pal!

kyknoord said...

I never realised quite how fashionable my swimming trunks were.

beaverboosh said...

kyknoord - you have tit huggers? They are all the rage!