Friday, July 4, 2008

Oh Bugger

‘War for the most part is boring with occasional outbursts of violence.’ General Bernard Law Montgomery, affectionately known as Monty, could have been speaking about my experience of working through the lazy hazy summer holidays.

The silly news season is upon us. Unfortunately to the untrained eye, it looks no sillier than the rest of the year.

Malaysia's opposition leader Anwar Ibrahim has been accused of sodomy, an offence which if convicted could carry a prison sentence of 20 years, and surely more sodomy. He denies the allegation.

I am slightly concerned having spent much time in KL years past. My Bumiputra girlfriend enjoyed the occasional irregular position but never mentioned it in respect of the law. This could upset any plans I have for running for public office in Malaysia.

It is a good thing that the UK repealed its buggery law for consenting adults many years ago. Half of the House of Commons and most of the House of Lords would likely have been prosecuted, in many instances by each other, and then where would we be.

The bible, one of the best historical fictions of its epoch, dispenses harsh justice. Leviticus defines sex between men as a capital punishment. Thankfully it says nothing about sex between Canadians and Bumiputras.

The Romans looked down on same sex sodomy in the ranks, however, it was commonly accepted to use your slave as a sex object, as long as the slave was on the receiving end.

Mesopotamian law meted out a harsh penalty to the well hung caught sodomising brothers-in-arms allowing them to turn him into a eunuch. Contrary to popular belief this did not produce the sublime soprano voices of the castrati who were castrated at birth, but rather a gruff nasal whine.

Sodomy still carries a serious offence in many countries. Same sex sodomy is punishable by death in Iran. Thankfully this will be avoided, as their President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad stated during his recent visit to Colombia University, ‘there are no homosexuals in Iran.’

Consenting sex between adults in many western countries is legal. Canada’s most famous Prime Minister, Pierre Trudeau, when repealing archaic sodomy laws proclaimed ‘there’s no place for the state in the bedrooms of the nation.’ The law provides that consenting adults can do what they wish, provided no more than two people are present.

I doubt this law will get in the way of most Canadian men’s fantasies, especially where twins are involved. It is on the top 10 list of things Canadian men must do before they die.



Anonymous said...

"‘there are no homosexuals in Iran.’

the rest of that quote was something like "...because when we discovered a pair, we roasted their infidel 'nad sacks, THEN coated them with fruit-flavored oil before staking the vile bastards to the ground to be nibbled by african fire ants, imported just for this purpose... oh, while watching a Spice Girls video on endless loop"

Anonymous said...

.... and the other 9 would be...?

beaverboosh said...

df - whoa! Those Iranians are EVIL!

nm - The top 10 list:
1. Become International Man of Mystery
2. Save World from Certain Doom
3. Find True Love
4. Go To Outer Space
5. Travel Through Time, Backward and Forward
6. Be Cryogenically Frozen
7. Catch Dr. Evil in the First Act
8. Threesome with Japanese Twins
9. Earn Daddy's Respect
10. Worship Mike Meyers daily.

Anonymous said...

Ha, ha! Another great post. Guess what? The British may have repealed their buggery law in Britain, but India still faithfully continues with it, 60 years after the British have left India. :)

Joanne Rasmussen said...

Another 'got to read this to you' post, my DH is very lucky to have me I read to him.

Michele said...

Ah, the irony of mentioning your Bumiputra girlfriend in a post about sodomy. Am I the only one who finds that amusing? ;-)

Mr. BB, I believe you ARE an International Man of Mystery. Who the hell are you? :-)

Anonymous said...

best if we get on with the bombing, then... odd if the US Administration used supression of gay rights as a justification for war. But stranger, and less credible reasons have been used to invade soverign nations recently...

kyknoord said...

michele: No, no, I find it amusing, too.

beaverboosh said...

shantanu - speaks volumes about India

joanne - ... or rather unlucky!

michele - isn't it ironic, it's like rain on your wedding day, a black fly in your chardonay, some good advice that you just can't take... You KNOW who I am!

df - the US are looking for 'the smoking bum'!

kyknoord - YOU THINK IM AMUSING!?!?!