Friday, July 11, 2008

Count Me Out

The world’s population is set to rise from 6.5 to 9.1 billion people by 2050, an increase of 2.6 billion people.

That’s a lot of fucking.

It took since the beginning of human kind to the 90s to get the population to 2 billion. I wonder if the hippies in the 60s preaching sexual revolution realised what a mess they would get us into. Hippies, free love and mathematics eh. Toxic.

I hope to personally contribute to this growth at some point. Mrs BB and I moved to Norway with starting a family in mind. So far we have managed to start new jobs, a family war, a mountain of debt, and our car each morning.

Oh, and I have started to learn Norwegian. Hey, it’s a long starting stage.

Norwegian women are baby factories. A weekday trip to the cafe mid morning finds gaggles of yummy mummies chatting frothily and breast feeding. No wonder lattes are so popular here with the kids.

I attribute the Norwegian birth rate to the ‘shagability factor’. Norwegian women are both gorgeous and lovely. It is more likely that additional factors such as social benefits are at work.

Mom gets a year off work at 80% wages. Dad gets 4 weeks paternity leave and it is mandatory. Kindergarten is free for all children and starts at the age of 1. Of course, all is funded by the taxpayer. It is the family side of social democracy.

Thank goodness for social benefits, Huggies are twice the price here than anywhere in the known world and Norwegian babies are weaned on designer clothes. It is a zero sum game.

The population explosion is set to take place in the developing countries with the world’s poorest nations contributing the greatest. The developed countries will stay static with at 1.8 billion people, a neutral birth rate.

I can understand this. At the rate the missus and I are moving, by the time our 2.x children can vote, we will be scheduled for hip replacements.

I consider fiddling the statistics by moving to Burkina where the birth rate is at epidemic proportions. Mrs. BB can have 12 children and then we can move back to the developed world. If I can get 500 million people to do the same, we can do something about the static birth rate.

I moot the idea with her. She is uninterested. I add that she can put her most excellent French to good use and will have a permanent tan. I am not getting anywhere. It can see it is not exactly a persuasive argument.

At any rate, it is unlikely we will be around to be counted in the census in 2050. We will focus our attention on a procreation displacement strategy. We must ensure we are doing our bit for the continuity of the developed world’s birth rate.



Mjohnson said...

Loads of oil money in the bank beautiful women walking the streets, your blog is starting to make me think that Norway is the promised land.

That this creaking planet is going to have to absorb so many more of us demanding humans is a fact. If only more world leaders had the foresight of Norway's with theirsovereign wealth fund.

One problem I see is that so many of the people with foresight - the modern enviro hippy - are at heart anti human. They see us as the problem. They'd like to literally throw the baby out with the bath water and put something in the water in these developing countries to make sure no more babies turn up.

I don't, humans have problems, but lets deal with them and carry on being human which includes making babies. This means the world of 50 years hence will be unrecognisable. We'd find it terribly depressing with the sprawl of mankind blotting all the nature out, but our children won't it'll be their world, all they've ever known and with loads of people think of all the great bloggers - oh dear.

itelli said...

Don't worry. Nature keeps up with us. Whether it's Ebola, AIDS, Global Warming, the Great British Summer floods, G. Dubbya, the Janjaweed or Mugabe, Nature never loses the mood to compete with our procreation.

Anonymous said...

here in the US it seems that people who think things through are breeding less. those with the most challenging economic circumstances breed early, and like rats... partly because there is such limited access to birth control... But hey, it's their children who go off for target practice in Iraq, so perhaps they need a few extra babies...

Anonymous said...

beaverboosh, how come you know the price of Huggies? I don't know any men with that piece of knowledge under their belts.

beaverboosh said...

mjohnson - hey dude, I am with you, let nature take its course. Re: Norway, consider the taxes and racism before making any rash decisions

itteli – good point. I have been thinking of releasing the Ebola virus on a couple of office colleagues

df – and the meek shall inherit the earth, the geek shall inherit extinction

nm –
a) Huggies are next to the beer at the supermarket
b) I am into Paraphilic infantilism, but just wetting
c) Everything I Norway is at least twice the price of goods elsewhere

Anonymous said...

I tell you. With rolling black outs, and a freezing winter to contend with, I'm understanding why those with less technical entertainment breed with more frequency.

kyknoord said...

Maybe Mrs BB just wants to practise a bit more before getting down to business.

OSLO said...

I think in fact that men in Norway get a minimum of 6 weeks papa perm as long as their partner has had some sort of job that entitles them to mama perm. If you keep Mrs BB pregnant, on maternity leave and pregnant again for a few years you could work part-time and write lots more glorious blog posts to amuse us. Really - I look forward to BB's take on changing nappies, pushing a pram and sipping lattes in cafes with all the other modern dads. Go on, go for it!

Victoria said...

As someone with no plans of procreating, I sometimes resent the high taxes and benefits that parents receive.
Surely I'm not the only one? Maybe I'm just petty.

Anonymous said...

Correction: The kids get kindergarten from age 1 - 3 (free). Thereafter it costs an arm and a leg and...Norwegian women are the Scandinavian average!

Anonymous said...


I should have come back to see your reply to my question sooner


OSLO said...

Er correction: kindergarden is not free at any age, but is IS heavily subsidised by taxes so I understand Victoria's point (without wanting to start an argument over the value to society at large of allowing both parents to work (and pay taxes), through subsidised childcare:-)).
Schooling is free from age 6. Not sure what Anonymous was referring to.

beaverboosh said...

livingladocevita – welcome! Too right, bloggers must be on the extinction list

kyknoord – man if she's only practicing I look forward to her getting down to more business!

oslo – thanks, noted. Yeah, I am REALLY looking forward to all of that stuff as well, just can’t wait, think about all the time, not a moment passes with thinking of babies...

victoria – I resent all high taxes, full stop. Hey girl, get back to blogging!

anonymouns - thanks, noted

nm – I am rotfl thinking of you rotfl

oslo – thank, noted. Effin hell, better get my facts straight. I am sure most of my Norwegian friends (my main source) have their facts wrong!

Zhu said...

Looks like there is a baby epidemic in Ottawa too. It's hard to believe the birth rate is so low, all the women around me seem to be pregnant.

I'll pass for now.

Michele said...

Even though I have chosen to be childfree, I will happily give 50% of everything I own to subsidize your breeding, Mr. BB, IF you post a photo of yourself in diapers. Wetness is optional. The offer could go as high as 60% if the photo included Mrs. BB rubbing something oily on your bottom.

beaverboosh said...

zhu - be careful, it is contagious

michele - you are very naughty. I have already sold the pictures to WETTERS WEEKLY for a year's supply of Huggies