Friday, August 22, 2008


I have yet to take a holiday. It has been a frantic summer with all of the activity in the global markets. I am in desperate need.

My criteria is simple, I abhor undue complexity, in anything:
  1. Sun – bar 1 nice week, we have had thunder, lightning, monsoon rain, and temperatures of 16 C for most of the summer in Oslo. It is like living in Wales
  2. Sea – actually, any body of water larger than a bath tub will suffice
  3. Value – given these economically challenging times, I demand value for my money.
I consult my travel agent in London. She suggests an African safari. We will have a personal guide drive us across the plains to see the Big 5. The accommodation is sumptuous: high end design, chi chi menu and cocktails, and a fresh water pool.

I am in dream land, moist with excitement just listening to her. I enquire about the price. Upon hearing the daily cost, I break into a mild sweat. The daily run rate is what I wish to pay for the whole holiday.

I communicate the budget I have in mind. She suggests I buy back issues of National Geographic magazines, a SAD Lamp, and a blow up splash pool, and promptly hangs up.

I revert to my own research and consult the omnipotent internet with my criteria.

Iraq, Pakistan and Afghanistan top the list. 42 C is just what the doctor ordered to toast my gonads. Pools are plentiful, and the value is outstanding. And... I have just taken a Suicide Bomber Spotting course in the UK which could come in handy.

I consult my mates in the French Foreign Legion for some travel tips. They have important business in each of these territories thanks to outsourcing. They deliver a compelling offer. If I pick up a couple of days work, they’ll cover the whole cost of the holiday. Fantastic!

I have not considered a working holiday. A couple of days is doable. I enquire as to the sort of work they had in mind. Nothing strenuous, a village snatch raid, a kidnapping, or political extortion. Something that is manageable within office hours. I will be back at the hotel in the evenings for dinner with the Mrs.

I consult Mrs BB. She is adamant that I need a break and is not keen that I pick up any per diem. She knows I am wetting myself in anticipation of using my new training but suggests maybe next year and requests we focus on a destination a bit closer to home.

A desperate google yields an unexpected result.

Georgia. It is closer to Norway and is excellent value, hot in August, and on the Black Sea. It could be in play though I hear the place is overrun by Russian tourists this year. Russians can be unbearable on tour. They are loud, aggressive bullies who throw their money around trying to impress. This would spoil the ambiance of my holiday.

Back to the internet. Thankfully, I can get National Geographic back issues on their website.



itelli said...

Greetings from a tropical Copenhagen. Where everything sounds Norwegian, but looks German. At least we can see the sun here.

livingladolcevita said...

Try finding a holiday on SA Ronds. *sigh*

I find that if I drive around the block a few times, having asked a friend to rearrange my furniture before I get home, I can pretend.


ian in hamburg said...

Mr. Boosh, thank you for reminding me that I have post to write about our recent holiday. Please keep it in mind and be inspired to go wherever it is I tell you. You won't be shot at, grilled, baked or fried, but you will be steamed and slightly par-boiled. Enjoy.

nursemyra said...

come over 'ere to Oz. we've got sun, surf and sand. and we're cheap, especially if you're prepared to swim all the way....

daisyfae said...

Virtual Reality eye glasses? Add a hammock, some fuity cocktails and a few bags of sand under your feet and you can pretend to be on beach holiday. Clothing optional, too!

donstuff said...

Funny. It sounds like maybe you need to build your own Kon-Tiki and become the next Thor Heyerdahl. You could sail to exotic places on the cheap.

thegnukid said...

I hear Antarctica meets your criteria... lots of sun, a BIG sea, and value (since occupancy is low at the Antarctica Hilton, they have reduced rates... or so I hear). there is that nasty temperature thing, but...

kyknoord said...

Looks like it's time to test whether that expression "a change is as good as a holiday" is true or not.

Joao said...

Pack your stuff and jump to Portugal. It seems that summer is coming, ok late but still......
Go to the south and jump from Alentejo to Algarve ( recently baptized ALL Garve, by a minister...) Anyway it's cheap enough and compared to spain we do speak english!

azahar said...

A friend of mine just went to Gambia ... guess it wasn't HOT enough here.

Anyhow, I wouldn't recommend coming to Sevilla in August but check out the Costa de la Luz in Cádiz - lots of nice non-touristy spots around there.

Shantanu said...

Ha, ha! That brought tears to my eyes, and not because you left out India (Kashmir is pretty affordable too - again!).

Michele said...

So many good suggestions from your plethora of international friends. How ever will you chose? I must admit, though, I was looking forward to hearing more about the clandestine village snatch raids...

beaverboosh said...

itelli - Hansiatic roots. have a great holiday!

dolcevita - haha, you have a friend?

ian - waiting patiently

nm - i am too slow a swimmer. For that matter walker, runner, love maker...

df - top girl. if clothing is optional, i would definitely have to provide others with VR specs

donstuff – inspirational. i shall build space raft and set sail forthwith

gnukid – yeah, living in Norway is similar to the Antarctic, esp the low occupancy!

kyknoord – too true, I’ll post the results on the net

joao – love the ALL Garve but too many brits

azahar – yeah at 40C in the day, you’d be chilly! Thanks for the tip, we’ll likely take a long weekend at the casa in Arcos

shantanu – thanks, will get onto Kashmir immediately

michele – hey no worries, i have undertaken so many clandestine village snatch raids, I’ll be happy to share the best of them with you