Friday, January 16, 2009

Size Matters

My hairdresser has great tits. I know not whether they are her own, but most certainly, they are captivating. She has other great assets. Thankfully included amongst these is cutting hair.

Before the holidays, she confided in me that she is desperate for a diamond from her boyfriend. He has looked at diamond rings but unfortunately cannot afford one. I mention to her I had to sell my Porsche to procure Mrs. BB’s diamond ring. She tells me this was exactly the sort of ammunition she was looking for!

I am horrified. What have I unleashed? I feel a sense of guilt.

I arrive for my new year’s trim. Leaning over me as she washes my hair I am informed that her boyfriend presented her with a diamond ring over the holidays, having borrowed the money. It is in the shop being fitted. I am provided with an opportunity to open my eyes. Good gods, what a sight!

‘That’s fantastic’, says me, as small tears form in the ducts of my trained eyes.

‘I hope it’s a big one’, I add?

‘No it’s not, it’s very small, but size is not important’, says she.

I choke, my head blanketed in the comfort of her warm and robust bosom. The aroma of eucalyptus and oranges is intoxicating. This woman is in heat.

‘Well, modesty is best with these things’, I confidently offer.

‘Sure’, she says, ‘but it is pretty small.’

As she lifts my head, patting it dry with a towel, I survey this sight. She has big breasts, big hair, a big smile, and a big personality... and apparently a wee diamond ring.

‘Well, I am sure he makes up for it in other ways’, I proffer in a comforting tone.

‘Sure’, she says dismissively with a cheeky smile and gets to work.

She completes her work. I look like a cross between Noel Gallagher and Mr. Spock. Apparently this look is in! I make a mental note to grow out my sideburns.

As I leave, I cannot help but think that though she is overjoyed at receiving a diamond, and is clearly in love, there is a hint of disappointment about the size. After all, this woman is constructed for a big rock on her finger. A modest one might suffice. A small one is lost in the bigness of her Yin.

I reflect. Size really does matter. It is just a case of recognising when.

Beaverboosh

17 comments:

itelli said...

This post is very much like an ancient Chinese wisdom story!

Maybe that's why it's double-y enjoyable. Godt Nytt År!

livingladolcevita said...

Mmm. Not sure how I feel about you spending thought time on some other woman's tits.

Hhhurrrmmph.

kyknoord said...

Exactly. Her boy probably fell into the trap of getting her a decent quality diamond that cost an arm and a leg. However, since only an experienced jeweller can tell the quality of a diamond just by looking at it, he would have been better off choosing a big, impressive (and relatively cheap) gem.

Joanne said...

Size most definitely counts whether we are talking diamonds or appendages!

daisyfae said...

size is almost a quantum thing - above a certain size, it's 'big enough'.

oh, and grow them pointy sideburns... every girl's crazy about them!

Caroline said...

Yip size does matter - that's why I'm such a happy girl - coz my hubby don't do nothing small!

ian in hamburg said...

BB, when you say your hairdresser has great tits, you could be telling us that she has these birds as pets in her salon. If there ever were a post crying out for a photo, this is it! :-)

suicide_blond said...

im with ian..we def need some photos here...
and umm yes...size matters...i tried to tell myself differently one time..but.. ummmm...that didnt work out..
xoxo

Michele said...

Very interesting post. Very interesting comments! Did you know your female readers would so easily admit to being size-queens? :-)

I had a hairdresser once, a fabulous Filopino, who, upon seeing the small diamonds in my wedding ring, asked where it came from. "Tiffany," I said proudly. "Yes," he replied. "The blue box is not worth what you paid. Your husband should have bought from an Asian. Bigger rocks, less money. Maybe next time, yes?" Hmmm.

P.S. I think you are in trouble with Dolce...

nursemyra said...

do they jiggle when she walks? if so they're real.

diamonds? meh!

big dicks? I'm a sucker for them

OSLO said...

Gosh you've gone all philosophical on us -unlike other members of the blogging sisterhood though, I'll not fall for this cue to boast..

TorAa said...

She is obvious a dreamer.
But surelely an attractive woman.

Great text

RennyBA said...

Amusing story with a good ending moral ;-)

I'm married to an American and since I could not make (afford) a big enough one in Norway, we had to buy it in the US (still talking about rings!) :lol:

Shantanu said...

Funny as always! Your brain functions very well under such severe stressful(?) conditions. :)

Zhu said...

I´m one of these "size doesn´t matter". After all, as long as there is love...

Okay, sorry, can´t help laughing. DOES matter.

beaverboosh said...

itelli - i lige måde og velkomme tilbak. Snakke du norsk?

dolce - i was looking at hers but thinking of yours

kyk - totally! Big yellow and flawed

joanne - i understand, really

df - quantum penis eh! I'll make em right pointy, the sideburns that is

caroline - sounds like a BIG man, good for you

ian - again, photos, photos, photos. I don't do photos mate

suicide - sure, throw it in with ian! Hey girl, you got to be honest with yourself, especially where size is involved

michele - no real suprise there! Big rocks, less money - sounds like diamantes, what the fuck do Filipinos know about diamonds anyway! I am always in trouble with Dolce

nm - haha, I bet your are

oslo - good girl, a bit of self control and restraint. So does he have a big one?

toraa - welcome! She's lovely

rennyba - hey dude, don't blame you. I rarely undertake big ticket item purchases in Norway

shantanu - a modicum of calm on the deck through this storm is what is required, though I think my brain is melting

zhu - haha! Great confession

itelli said...

Not really. But the wife does... As does Google ;)