Friday, May 15, 2009

Just Expense It

The people of the UK have recently been exposed to a naked and shocking truth!

Politicians of all parties have been fiddling their expenses, at the tax payer’s expense. Quelle surprise.

In the case of the ruling Labour Party, more than half of Gordon Brown’s cabinet face embarrassment over their expenses.

The fraudulent activity is rife, and is not just for the odd restaurant meal and wine.

Members of Parliament are entitled to travel and housing expenses for London but are most certainly going to town with claims: renovations, all manner of furniture, flat screen tvs, gardening supplies and BBQs. The Prime Minister himself claimed £250 a month on a cleaner for his Westminster flat when he was the Chancellor.

Harriet Harman, Deputy Leader of the Labour Party, has been done for submitting hotel expenses claiming her husband’s porn viewing. If you have ever seen Harriet Harman this is quite understandable. I think taxpayers should subsidise her husband’s porn appetite out of sympathy.

When I worked in London, the number 1 client entertainment request was for the lap dancing bar on Thursday nights. Clients would expect to be entertained on account, for the whole of the evening. Of course I charged it back to them, one way or another!

The place of choice was a sea of dark suits and ties: lawyers, accounts, bankers, fund managers and management consultants filled the place. It was like English public school dinners, but with music, booze and semi-naked young girls pushing their pooties in your face.

Thankfully the tax receipt was for ACME Restaurant or something. I am sure this was known to all London firms including the Tax Office, but no one seemed to bat an eye. This was because most men that ran London firms and the Tax Office could reliably be found there on Thursday nights.

I would regularly expense receipts for thousands of pounds that were labeled FOOD. It most certainly was nourishment of a sort. All good innocent fun really!

My worst misdemeanor was after an expense crackdown under a new totalitarian regime in the firm. I chartered a plane to the North of England and took 12 clients to the Open Golf tournament for a huge piss up. The claim was in the tens of thousands of pounds. Not a word was mentioned. It never is in my business. It’s not the way. But my card was marked!

To fiddle expenses is human, to forgive unheard of.

Beaverboosh

11 comments:

American in Norway said...

Sounds exciting- sigh- wish I had something more to "fiddle" with, aside from the occasional train ticket to Oslo... (do they have these boobie bars in Oslo? wondering what hubby is doing to entertain his clients?! )

American in Norway said...

You are MY TOKEN Alpha male... I think I have run all of the others off by all of my PMS talk... Nah... I have a few that pop by from time to time.. but you are by far my favorite... Now go kick some ass in that meeting..

jinjir minjir said...

So, you were RBSsed, is that what u r saying?

daisyfae said...

alas, i have no 'expense' budget to entertain clients... so i have to handle that myself! sometimes a chore.... others? sheer delight!

nursemyra said...

our expense account runs to free continence pads for associatives...

Michele said...

I'm still marveling over the guy who claimed for having his moat cleaned... (Of course, being England, that could be a perverse kind of sex act, but I think the guy seriously has a moat.)

Shantanu said...

Heh! Poor politicians. They have to be more careful than every one else. :)

Speedcat Hollydale said...

What about my billion dollar yacht party??

livingladolcevita said...

*shock*

I must go and nurse my broken innocence.

Joanne said...

The comments are almost as funny as the post especially Micheles - cleaning the moat LOL.

Zhu said...

Mmm... that's a very interesting cross-cultural problem. I happen to know that this is exactly how it works on Parliament Hill AND at the Élysée...