Friday, May 22, 2009

Testicles, Tits and Teasing

I am in a black taxi stuck in traffic in London with a Norwegian associate following a difficult but important meeting in the city.

I comment to my associate on the meeting attendee, “I bet he would have given his right testicle not to be in this situation.”

My associate, whom I had unfortunately forgotten had suffered testicular cancer casually commented, “Having given my right testicle under different circumstances, I am not sure he would have.”

My own insensitivity shocked me. Ouch.

At a recent family dinner, my sister in law announces that she has procured my mother in law a special surprise gift.

“I walked into the pub and looked at the girl behind the bar and said to her, you have something my mother really wants”, she declared.

“What, big tits,” I quipped not being able to stop the words from rolling off my tongue.

It was in fact a t-shirt with a sentimental logo. Amidst the collective ‘ooooohs’ around the table, my mother in law looked at me and wryly smiled.

Phew, out of jail, sort of.

I am meeting a young and very attractive associate for the second time.

She arrives in the rather large meeting room I have booked and asks, “Where do you want me?”

“Preferably on the sofa with your legs behind you ears,” I teasingly suggest.

I thank the gods I am not in America. This would have been a law suit.

Beaverboosh

10 comments:

shantanughosh said...

Ha, ha! The Gods have certainly been with you so far, but don't push it... :)

daisyfae said...

sometimes i miss the sexual harrassment in the workplace... i hope the guys i used to harrass miss it, too...

American in Norway said...

OMG... your soo bad...but guess thats why I luv ya... real smooooth Beav.... (is it ok if I call you Beav?)

Rob said...

Situation 1: Awwwwwwwwwkward.

Situation 2: Awwwwwwwwwkward.

Situation 3: Brass balls.

Note to self: Brain in gear before engaging mouth.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

nursemyra said...

Just as well Mrs Beaverboosh didn't overhear that last remark

Zhu said...

Are you Doctor House?

Or please, tell my you said these things in your head! :D

Michele said...

I will give you that comment #2 was begging for it, no doubt. But seeing as how it's included in a series of behaviors that can only be described, at best, as very, very naughty, I submit that you, Mr. BB, deserve nothing short of a severe spanking. Or, perhaps, if Mrs. BB is in the mood, a strenuous whipping. I believe there are shops in Oslo that sell the appropriate equipment.

azahar said...

Bad boy!

Caroline said...

hear hear - I vote for the spanking...

beaverboosh said...

shantanu - too right pal!

df - dearly missed

ain - sure June, as long as I don't hear 'Ward, did you have be so hard on the Beaver last night'

rob - yeah, unfortunately there is a genetic wiring fault

nm - she larfed... she knows she married a monkey

zhu - i wish... unfortunately

michele - the voice of experience eh! Been shopping in Oslo lately?

az - i know, i know

caroline - i haven't been into spanking, i am sort of warming to the idea...