Friday, June 5, 2009

Ex-Girlfriends Reunited

The deluge of social and professional networking has brought a few pleasant surprises over the past months. I have received messages from some of my ex-girlfriends querying “Is that the Beaverboosh that fucked my ass off I once knew?”

I have been tracked down. Thankfully, there were no secret children, outstanding claims, or long-standing grievances to be settled.

To be fair, I have parted amicably with all of my exes, on good terms, friends… mostly.

Even though the years have passed, and many circumstances are different, they do not appear to have changed that much.

Party girl is still partying loads at clubs, pubs and concerts. Brainy girl has acquired another degree and works and reads loads. Media girl is forever busy with a full work and social diary. Some things don’t change.

It got me thinking about what my unsuccessful conquests were up to. I set about tracking them down.

There was Medical girl - I don’t remember whether she was studying to be a proctologist but she sure loved assholes. The Twins, Fock Me and Fock You – I still have naughty thoughts about dating them both at the same time. Horsey girl – she preferred stable boys hung like horses. I could go on, but I shan’t.

I managed to track a few down and struggled to think of what I might say. I reviewed my options:
“Hi, remember me, I wanted to bonk your brains out.”
“Hi, I don’t think we were ever properly introduced, but I wanted to bonk your brains out”
“Hi, you probably don’t remember me, but I wanted to bonk your brains out.”

I mused on the situation. In the end, I made no efforts at contact. After all, they were not friends, but mere aquaintances. There was no meaningful connection beyond my lust.

I tire of the seemingly endless stream of banal social and professional networking. I choose not to participate in much of it.

Catching up with the exes was a pleasant surprise. After all, we shared spiritual and carnal pleasures together. Though it did not last, we shared a meaningful connection for a time.



dorothy said...

does this not make mrs beaverboosh uncomfortable?

daisyfae said...

i'm generally on good terms with ex-lovers... lately? i like to "pre-negotiate" the end of the relationship before we exchange body fluids. seems to work well...

but there are a couple ghosts - the ones that wandered off and i'd like to know where they landed.

Rob said...

I dunno, beav, from the ones you describe before and after, it sounds like you didn't make much of an impression.... :^)

"Networking" of any kind takes up a lot of time. I'm with you on keeping it to a minimum.

Speedcat Hollydale said...

There is a Mrs BeaverBoosh???

Is her name Barbara Billingsly?

Hello from Hollydale!

Zhu said...

Do like me, move to Ottawa. Seriously, no one would be crazy enough to follow you there!

(Just in case some exes are persistent)

American in Norway said...

LMAO... You always make me laugh... I think I have pretty much connected with every boyfriend I have had... except one & I found a picture on google... Damn..(not good) -
(I think connecting was good... reminds me of why I left... LOL)

nursemyra said...

ditto on the social networking thing. I don't think I have any skeletons in my closet, have to see both my exes occasionally because we have children in common.

Maybe I need to get out more so I can actually acquire some exes that need to be avoided

Michele said...

Why, Mr. BB, I do believe this post shows a very sweet side of you. Since your exes sought you out and the virtual reunions were pleasant, it means that what I've always suspected of you is true... You know how to treat the ladies! Well done.

P.S. The NYT says beavers are pests: Unbelievable! :->

ian in hamburg said...

I was having this conversation with a friend just the other day. Why get in touch with an old girlfriend? To be able to say, Gee, it was really fun fucking with you so much way back when? Maybe it's to be able to appreciate the depth of the awkward silence that would follow.

Joanne said...

Very random I know but how did you cross out words in your post?

beaverboosh said...

dorothy - mrs. bb is way too cool to be bothered by sentimental stuff like this. I have seen her become uncomfortable with my humour in the company of the aristocracy, but rarely. She gets a strange look on her face, though it could be trapped wind

df - good luck on the ghost hunt

rob - no great impression other than having fucked their assess off, I am deep like that

speedcat - mrs. bb is always asking 'if I had to be so hard on the beaver last night'

zhu - i grew up in Ottawa, most of them live there!

ain - whatever you get from it, it is good to connect, and quite fulfilling. Of course if it was an acrimonious relationship with an axe wielding/ bunny boiling maniac then... nah!

nm - hahaha, yeah girl, you need to start acquiring exes!

michele - ja girl, i look after the Laaaaadies! The beaver article was hilarious, very tongue in cheek, I will have to use it!

ian - exactly!

jo - you need to edit in html mode and use the html strike command... pain in the arse. Just google how do you... for help!