Friday, October 16, 2009

Mirror Mirror

I am not the most observant person in the world, as Mrs. BB will attest, but I have become painfully aware of something disturbing about myself this week. It is my vanity you see.

I am vain.

Well, more accurately I am becoming (more) vain. Many of my male friends are very vain though they would never admit to it. I know men who are just as vain as the women they claim are vanity queens.

I have made a point of rejecting this unsavoury behavior, as much as humanly possible, not just because of my contrarian nature, but because its, well, unsavoury behavior for a gentleman.

There is a mirror in the bathroom in the office I am working at. I cannot bear to look at myself. It is a hideous site. The blotches, lines, gouges, blood shot eyes, and then there is the hair… I mean wtf… my hair has always had a mind of its own but every strand is reaching out diagonally in different directions attempting to connect to another hair universe. I think I can see little horns growing atop my head. I am Lucifer incarnate, I am repulsed.

There is mirror just outside of the bathroom in the office I am working at. I cannot take my eyes off myself. Good lords, I am tall, dark and handsome, and looking v dapper and tastily proportioned. My skin is olive tanned, my eyes have a deep penetrating gaze, and my coiffe says ‘hey girls, I am your stud muffin… sex on a stick darling'. Man I look really royally buffed, my blood must be blue. I am a prince, I am getting aroused.

I had a fine bottle of wine at dinner last night with a colleague before polishing off a dirty dozen of wifebeater in a club. I am well hung again and my mind is playing very cruel tricks on me.

Or the gods are trying to tell me something.

Beaverboosh

9 comments:

daisyfae said...

my guess? fluorescent lighting in the bathroom... putrifies the hotest hottie... i'd take a pellet gun with me to work to pop the fluorescent tubes if i wouldn't lose my job over it...

Uncle Keith said...

You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you.

RennyBA's Terella said...

Awwww, Uncle Keith snapped the comment from me!

Btw: I'm sorry I have not been around that much lately, but have been working hard to find a way so that we could meet. Now It's official and I've planned hard for it: Oslo Blog Gathering 2010 - I do hope you can come and also encourage your other blog friends to participate!

nursemyra said...

If I polishished a dirty dozen I'd be well hung too I'm sure ;-)

azahar said...

We have the same hair!

I was once told that my hair looked like it was trying to escape...

Cairo Typ0 said...

I swear that i look different in my own mirror than anyone else's. Their mirrors are broken. :p LOL

Michele said...

Funny post! It's weird how different mirrors can be. I look good in the mirror in my upstairs bathroom but am a damn fright in any of the mirrors in the mall. I'm just working on letting my vanity go...

@ RennyBA -- BB is doing a good job of alerting us to your Blog Gathering. Thank you for your hard work. I plan to participate!

Zhu said...

Bathroom lights, especially office bathroom lights, are very unflattering. It. Is. Not. You.

beaverboosh said...

df - it is the lights oustide of the loo I am interested in, must get some, now...

carly - what song, i cant hear anything?

renny - ready for service captain

nm - i'd be hung if i polishished the furnititure... will you work as my personal editor... the pay sucks but...

az - good gods girl, if it is anything like mine, i feel bad for you

cto - i have my fave, and it is outside of the loo of that office i am currently working at

michele - good advice, free free, set it free

zhu - i know, i look like lucifer, it can't be me, i am an angel