Friday, December 11, 2009

Clone A Willy

This time of year can be difficult for us boys. Shopping at the best of times is a ball breaker, unless its cars, boats, watches, or other cool guy stash! But Xmas gifts, well, double ball breaker.

I am lucky. Mrs. BB is an efficient shopper when it comes to Xmas in our family and she usually has most gifts procured well in advance of the big day. Thankfully and to her delight she found her desired Xmas gift from me in London on the weekend. Phew, well done me!

I am, however, left to my own devices with gifts for work colleagues. This is normally less of a challenge because I like giving books, as inspirational as possible, and relevant to the context of the situation. A pithy quote on the inside cover adds a nice touch.

The problem is, I have made so many enemies this year, I cannot seem to find books that suitably convey my sentiment. I don’t like making enemies, I am lover not a fighter, but you know, life in the jungle is often dog eat dog!

Fellow blogging chum Dorothy has offered the perfect Xmas gift suggestion for those I wish to say something special to. It’s called ‘Clone A Willy’.

It is quite simple you see, a kit that allows you to make a rubber clone of your willy. I plan to clone my willy and send it to all the colleagues on my shit list. I have ordered a baker’s dozen in proportion to the top tier of the 2009 list.

Though bountifully proportioned myself, I shall chose a dark toned rubber colour to add a sense of the exotic. Along with the rubber reproduction I will provide a small tub of Maximumbumlubricous. I have a soft spot for avoiding undue pain.

Of course, this yuletide endowment will contain specific instructions for use:
  • Find a quiet spot in the office with a chair
  • Drop undergarments to ankles
  • Apply lashings of Maximumbumlubricous to your aureola annulus
  • Stand BB Xmas Willy erect on chair
  • Sit down, slowly, but assuredly on BB Xmas Willy
  • Enjoy.

It will probably be a bit less painful than working with me, at times, but a fitting tribute to how I feel about those on my shit list this year. I like to share my feelings. Sharing is caring.

We all have our crosses to bear, and next to Easter, Xmas if a fitting time to bear them.



nursemyra said...

ummm.... can I have one too?

Anonymous said...

nice of you to offer 'anal eze', but for the one you really dislike? perhaps mix in a little super glue...

American in Norway said...

HOpe you will be bringing a few as party favors in Jan! : )

jinjir minjir said...

Cloning is so passé... This is the 21st century - it's all about upgrading.

I'm sure there's room for some batteries and a few inches of cables to produce a basic circuit. Surely screaming your name with pleasure while getting fucked by an exact copy of your penis must be quite la revanche.

Anonymous said...

You give xmas gifts to work colleagues?!?

Shantanu said...

Ha, ha! Well, enjoy the festive season. :)

upset waitress said...

This makes me want to be your enemy in a big way.

Anonymous said...

remind me not to piss you off...i don't want to get on your bad side

Joanne said...

I take it I will get mine in the post?

Zhu said...

This is exactly why I always say I don't want anything for Xmas!

Uncle Keith said...

I would cast mine in vertical stripes. They say vertical stripes are very slimming.

OSLO said...

I trust you've done a Norwegian translation of the instructions, just in case there's any confusion? And will your colleagues be declaring these gifts to the tax man/woman?

beaverboosh said...

nm - you're not on my shit list

df - top tip, will apply to the #1 on the list

ain - if there are any left over though i doubt it, it's a big list

jm - i am late adopter, thanks for the tip, great idea, have ordered the circuits

rob - only those i dislike

shant - will do, best to you too

uw - be my friend

gnukid - as long as we don't work together you'll likely be fine

joanne - no silly, i am sending you cuddly puppies

zhu - none of the recipients have actually asked for this gift

uk - pencil dick eh!

johanna - all Norwegian, no English. I have let the taxperson know recipients have recieved gifts of taxable value...

Anonymous said...

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