Friday, January 8, 2010

The Big Chill

It’s colder than a witch’s tit.

It's colder than a nun's cunt on a ski slope.

It's colder than a whore's heart.

It’s colder than a mother in law’s love.

It’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.

It’s so cold my balls have become ovaries.

It’s so cold only people like "Ed" have enough time to piss their names in the snow.

It's so cold all women appear happy to see me.

It’s so cold that nipples can cut glass.

It’s so cold that it’s become an inconvenient truth for Al Gore and pals.

It’s so cold that Beaverboosh can’t ski. It is my personal hell and it has frozen over.



Corinne said...

It's so cold my nuts have frozen off. An impressive feat seeing as how I don't have them in the first place.... ?

nursemyra said...

oh your poor ovaries :-(

Anonymous said...

not all whores are cold-hearted... hope you get thawed soon. pretty nippley here as well!

ian in hamburg said...

Naw...the other whores have no heart at all.

About the cold, beave: layer it! There is no temperature low enough to keep you from sliding and smiling.

Zhu said...

It's colder... than Northern Manitoba in Febraury?

American in Norway said...

I have been wanting to say that ALL WEEK... my balls are frozen off...
It was all fun at first but now it is just getting O L D .

RennyBA's Terella said...

Hey You; Don't you have someone special in you're life to warm up all that? ;-)

Jonny said...

Not sure about mother in law though...

BTW, aren't they talking about global warming?!

Anonymous said...

i KNEW there was a reason it shrunk... thanks for the excuse!

OSLO said...

Don't despair. Warmer temps on the way apparently. I use the term 'warmer' very loosely. I hope the ovary thing is reversible; I cant really recommend them.

Shantanu said...

Hey, whores have hearts too... or maybe I still think of Pretty Woman when I think of whores. Happy New Year, my friend!

Michele said...

Oh, for fuck's sake. You just gave my husband yet another opportunity to explain the meaning of "brass monkey." He loves that naval shit.

Hey, look on the bright side. It's so cold, the only thing to do is stay inside and drink! Cheers!

upset waitress said...

Do nuns ski?

beaverboosh said...

corinne - so you lost them in a big chill years ago or had them surgically removed?

nm - too right sister

df - you're right, it's just the high end call girls

ian - well it was almost too cold to venture out, -38 in the mountain village at one stage

zhu - same as

ain - and still C O L D

renny - she's working overtime trying to keep me warm

jonny - too right in my case, my mother in law is a fairy godmother

gnu - if you ever need the 9 other excuses, let me know. I pine for hanging days

oslo - yeah, it a balmy -10 now

shant - that was a film mate, even whores have hearts in Hollywood

michele - that's naughty... what a tow rag... we'll have to let the cat out of the bag... it's not a above board... a bit of rum sodomy and lash, perhaps!

uw - no, and they don't have vaginas