It's colder than a nun's cunt on a ski slope.
It's colder than a whore's heart.
It’s colder than a mother in law’s love.
It’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.
It’s so cold my balls have become ovaries.
It’s so cold only people like "Ed" have enough time to piss their names in the snow.
It's so cold all women appear happy to see me.
It’s so cold that nipples can cut glass.
It’s so cold that it’s become an inconvenient truth for Al Gore and pals.
It’s so cold that Beaverboosh can’t ski. It is my personal hell and it has frozen over.