Oh Canada

We are half way through the Olympics. I am so busy with work I have not seen any events and barely paid notice to the goings on, other than those reported in the media.

Two things have caught my attention 1) The outstanding performance of Michael Phelps 2) The poor performance of Canada – NO medals.

Phelps is truly outstanding. 6 record breaking gold medals in this Olympics and on his way to 7. 12 career Olympic gold medals to date. What a star. He is the leading light for all parents whom have children with ADD, and long arms.

Canada. Well!

Canadians have a rather over-inflated view of themselves at the best of times: a mutli-cultural democratic society, resilient neighbour to an imperial war monger, member of the G8, one of the world’s best standard of living by most surveys, populated by really nice ‘do gooders’ that say ‘eh’, and a lot of beavers.

Most of the world thinks otherwise. Nice, but really fucking boring... and mostly irrelevant on the world’s stage.

The Olympics expose an inconvenient truth about Canadians: we are rubbish at competing globally in sports, and in many other areas. With the exception of Canada’s treasured sport (ice) hockey, and possibly curling, we have a mixed international track record, and hockey ain’t even that great!

There is a simple reason for this. Canadians excel in other areas. We are all gifted in different ways:

Complaining : Canadians are world class complainers, particularly about the government. It is not long after arriving in Canada before you hear someone cursing the government, particularly the Federal variety.

Thriftiness : Canadians are world class cheapskates. We would travel for miles to purchase something at a discount price rather than be ripped off. Foreigners that shop in Canada understand this, most goods available are cheap, and often crap.

Dope Smoking: Canadians are world class dope smokers. By the time a large percentage of the population reaches the age of 25, half of the country's brain cells are fried.

Politeness : Canadians are polite on a universal scale, and not just with the please and thank yous. We believe we can solve global conflicts, war, hunger and poverty with politeness. Laudible, but naive and innefective.

When Canadian Ben Johnson was stripped of his gold medal for doping in Seoul, Canadians had to confront the truth albeit painful: he was Jamaican. As for home grown talent, we rely on hydroponic skunk, and Moosehead.

Beaverboosh