Friday, May 9, 2008

Help Yourself

The team at Beaverboosh Publishing have sent me a pack containing some of this quarter’s priority titles for my perusal. I look forward to these reviews which I find illuminating and help to keep me abreast of the literary trends.

This pack contains titles from one of the biggest categories in publishing, Adult Self Help. It has become an explosive growth area as we become more obsessed with improving ourselves.

I am delighted to share with you an advance preview of three of what I believe will be very successful titles.



Masturbate Your Way to Happiness and Wealth‘Masturbate your way to the happiness and wealth that your deserve. Masturbation can help lift that feeling of self worthlessness and doom and help you to become a better person. By channelling positive mental energy on the goals you wish to achieve while masturbating, you will emerge with a new and refreshed sense of focus and achievement. Masturbation has been used by entrepreneurs, entertainers and sports personalities to breakthrough to happiness and success. Even Opra is frequent masturbator! ’

A Dummy’s Guide to Masturbation‘Masturbate to world class standards. This guide will teach you:

  • Simple and effective masturbation techniques
  • Advanced masturbation techniques and the G Spot
  • Professional masturbation techniques as used in ‘The Industry’
  • Masturbating with devices, household utensils and vegetables
  • Discreetly masturbating in public areas (restaurants, cinemas, gyms, shopping malls, parks, concerts, sporting events...)
  • Everyday masturbation (at home, at the office, in the car...)
  • Masturbation injury prevention
  • Masturbating your friends, family and pets.’

Blogging, A New Cure for Habitual Masturbation‘Cure your habitual masturbation addiction by learning to blog. It is easy, fun, and can help beat your reliance on physical masturbation by substituting it with mental masturbation. Over time, blogging can help you cure or temper your masturbation habits while focusing your tension into this somewhat benign, harmless if not useless form of self expression. This technique has been used successfully by less fortunate writers, journalists, actors and musicians to overcome compulsive masturbation afflictions.’

Copyright © Beaverboosh Publishing 2008. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission.


Gary said...

Dude, my blog IS an exercise in masturbation! Although, I gotta say, blogging doesn't feel nearly as good as the real thing but yet I STILL end up feeling guilty afterwards.

Going to get a tissue,


ian in hamburg said...

Is your wife on an extended business trip? :-)

Zhu said...

Anything on female masturbation? Or couple's?

itelli said...

At last... A text that can be read night OR day!

daisyfae said...

i need that first book. i've got to find out why i'm not deliriously happy and filthy stinking rich!

Upset Waitress said...

I love myself all the time. It's like milk, it does the body good. But I'm not rich. Prolly cause I'm home spanking myself all the time rather then working.

kyknoord said...

These promise to be world beaters.

Qelqoth said...

Cinemas eh? I hope you cited pioneers such as Pee Wee Herman.

Johnada said...

I prefer to think of my blog posts as pleasuring the rest of the world, rather than myself. Of course, the rest of the world often thinks is that all there was? And then they come here and order your books . . .

beaverboosh said...

gary – dude, guilt?

ian – apologies, stuck in a moment. No more masturbation next week!

zhu – plenty on the G spot, masturbation devices and masturbating your family… I think this thing is going to go large!

itelli – yeah… next to the Iliad!

daisyfae – girl, harness the power within!

uw – yeah, but your happy… well sometimes you sound happy… well…

kyknoord – Exactly!

qelqoth – pee wee indeed. More interestingly Richard Quest on harness spanking in the park!

johnada – you are a selfless leader, may the people of Johnada salute you, with one hand of course…

itelli said...

Dare I say, ur library sounds a bit Vikingish. Semen & blood next to each other...?

beaverboosh said...

Yeah, I am a traditionalist.

Jonny said...

It strikes me that through Beaver Publishing, and it's niche market, you have found your true calling in life!! For that reason I salute you and wish I could be as lucky.

I believe you are capable of taking this to levels beyond my imagination (although I have a vivid one)! I fear that if you reach ultimate success within your field, you could bring reproduction to a halt. Although the worlds population would be blissful to the very end and masturbate to salute you... you could end this world dude!

Careful intermediate masturbator