Friday, May 16, 2008

Pass The Mayo

Mrs. BB and I spent the weekend visiting very good friends in deepest darkest Ireland. The minute the plane lands, I am speaking like a leprechaun. She shakes her head in despair at my rubbish Irish accent knowing I will be an embarrassment until we depart. I innocently claim it is the O’Beaverboosh lineage that is to blame, to be sure.

How do I love thee Irish? Let me count the ways...

1. The Irish are in a different time zone - When stopping to ask for directions, the response is unexpected, ‘well get yourself a pint and we’ll talk about it.’ If you think you will get all of the information you require over a pint, you are mistaken. You will arrive at your destination many hours later than planned, and singing folk songs, but with a wealth of local information to hold you in good stead.

2. Nobody walks in rural Ireland, it’s too far to the pub – When leaving the pub at the end of a late night Guinness sesh, the Garda is often waiting for you. This is daunting to foreigners, expecting a jail sentence is about to be dispensed. Instead the Garda helps you into the car and makes sure you are heading in the right direction to get home.

3. The Irish never lose their sense of humour, even in death - My friend’s parents unfortunately had to attend the funeral of very good friend. They phoned to see how we were getting on. I couldn’t hear for the laughing and music in the background, it sounded more like a wedding. When I sensitively asked if all had gone well, my friend’s father replied, ‘oh, it’s a right good crack, we’re givin’ him a good send off, it’s just the way he wanted it,’ and abruptly hung up to go and dance. The wake started at ten in the morning and went on well after midnight.

I could go on go on and go on.

As a proponent of progressive and constructive change, I am really a traditionalist at heart. It is easy to love the Irish truly, fondly and deeply! And it is pleasure.

If you have not had the privilege, go soon. If you have, I hope you get back regularly. If you don’t know anyone in Ireland, don’t worry, you will make many new friends. If you are in Mayo and your new friends are male, they will be named Seamus, Paraic or Miche├íl.

Your liver won’t forgive you but the warmth, hospitality and excessive laughing will add years to your life.



OSLO said...

Ah wouldya go on outa that - you're makin' a leprechaun blush with all your nice talk.
My father once came back from his aunt's funeral and told me, when I asked how it was, that 'she looked very well.' What more could a corpse ask for?

Zhu said...

I'd love to go to Ireland! I've been to the UK many times in the 90s but Ireland wasn't really a great destination at the time. We were too shallow. Shopping in London sounded best.

How do they call it now, the "Celtic Tiger", because of the booming economy?

nursemyra said...

and if your new best friend is female her name is likely to be Aoife or Dearbhail.

try saying those after a couple of pints of guinness

Jonny said...

Dude, how are the Irish doing masturbation wise?? I'm expecting a thorough study on this from Beaver Publishing!! Pub, Guinness and masturbation... I'm waiting in anticipation for your findings!! This will no doubt be a "must have" volume for masturbators worldwide!!

daisyfae said...

My liver is on a first name basis with the staff at the Betty Ford Rehab Clinic. What's a few gallons of Guiness when there are great friends to be made?

Michele said...

This post make me want to travel to Ireland immediately. It also makes me very thirsty. And, if everything you say here is true, it makes me certain I immigrated to the wrong 'effin country.

Shantanu said...

Thank you! I shall put Ireland higher up on my vacation wish list now.

Looks like someone already asked what I was planning to: about Ireland and masturbation! Heh!

beaverboosh said...

olso - LOL!

zhu - Mayo hasn't changed much since the beginning of time, more of a celtic tortoise

nm - I can't say those names sober

jonny - masturbation is a sin! Not much of it in the Irish countryside with the advent of birth control. Sheep shagging still enjoys great popularity

daisyfae - exactly

michele - me too

shantanu - go, and don't let masturbation put you off

kyknoord said...

You can be sure we're all green with envy.

beaverboosh said...

kyknoord - i am sure your liver is not as green, and it is not envy to be sure!

upset waitress said...

Try not to act like a leprechaun. They are sneaky little bastards. Not to be trusted in any way. Your wife should have smacked you the minute you landed.

Qelqoth said...

One day, I hope to get locked inside of the Guiness factory at St. James' Gate. That would be a bloody good time alright.

beaverboosh said...

upset waitress - too right. She should have smacked me. I would have smacked me

qelqoth - I'll join you. I never tire of drinking the stuff. Though I do not bother eating