Friday, May 23, 2008

Upset Patron

I have been in London on serious business for the past ten days. I denote serious as my liver is communicating to me in various ways, most too shocking to mention in a blog that is read by children. Suffice to say my liver has gone to defcon 7.

Mrs. BB rocks up for the weekend. We are flying under the radar as it is our anniversary and we do not wish to see friends. Rather, we cherish the time we get to spend together, especially when it is alone! This happens all too infrequently!

I have booked a table at an excellent fish restaurant. We are persuaded to change the booking by a good friend’s new man who is in the know. Scott’s is THE place NOW for fish. It is a newly refurbished restaurant with a long heritage in the fish trade.

I attend to the re-booking with my usual and healthy level of scepticism though I am happy to get a table on a Saturday night at such short notice. Years of working away and client entertaining have turned me into a hardened critic of transportation, accommodation, and eating establishments. Ditto for Mrs BB.

You do not want to be on the end of a poor service proposition if we are flying in team formation.

We arrive. The signals from the outset are disturbing. The Maitre De, waiting staff and bus mooches have stiff postures indicating that most have something large stuck up their arses. The restaurant is heaving and the wait borders on tedium.

As we tuck into lifeless starters, the table next to us are complaining for the Nth time. One of theirs has not received his main. Desert has been served to the rest of his party. Shocking!

My main course is a road accident. I am keen to draw this to the attention of anyone on staff. Hailing a NY cab in a blizzard is easier. In the end, I am uninterested and enjoy the Montrachet, the best thing on the table, next to Mrs BB.

We laugh. We are having a wonderful evening in each other’s company despite the food. The deco ambiance is hypnotic. It is 1939 in black and white. We are too tired pick a fight. Life is too short. We enjoy more of the wine and each other’s company.

Removing an almost uneaten plate 30 minutes after I have downed cutlery, the waiter says nothing. I ask for the bill. I have nothing else to say. There is nothing else to say. I will never be back. I will rubbish the restaurant at every opportunity. C’est la vie.

It will not survive London unless it ups its game. Once the weekend sub-urbanites (bridge and tunnel people) move on, they are fucked. This is a sign of the Michelin Dog in its ascendency. A laudable ambition but with a pretention devoid of professional talent that has already been blinded by an early false success.

Dogs don’t shine.



ian in hamburg said...

The main course was a road accident? I thought you were having fish! Sounds more like squirrel or skunk, the kind you have to hose off the wheel housing.

Next time, make it Pret à Manger, and have more time for Dessert à Deux with your wife.

Anonymous said...

Dreadful - but highly commendable how you avoided battle to salvage the best of the day. Perhaps this is a job for Manuel of The Well Done Fillet - manuel takes no prisoners, serves no shoeleather, and would be a whirling dervish of whup-assedness on such a slackard waitstaff...

Anonymous said...

"a good friend's new man"?

hmmm.... he'd have to be an excellent *%#* to make up for a blunder like that

upset waitress said...

Maybe Gorgon Ramsey could save it? But uh, so you paid for food you didn't eat because you hated it? You must read my blog LOL. I wouldn't have said anything either. A re-cook is sure to be served with an extra side of pubes. No thank you. This is only one of many reasons I don't eat out.

Zhu said...

I hate being stuck in a bad restaurant. There's nothing you can do: you can't really leave in the middle of the meal, get upset (or they will spit in your food) or leave without paying. Hate it.

Shantanu said...

That's the problem with most restaurants. Many of them aren't consistent! Anyway, looks like the two of you had fun in spite of the food that night.

Anonymous said...

Well that experience sounded far less than optimal!

A stark contrast to my last outing where I decided to try out a very popular local spot. Too my surprise the wait for a table was almost non existent even though it appeared quite busy and the decor was modest yet almost festive. All the other patrons and staff seem to be enjoying themselves. The service was extremely quick and even when I commented that what I got was not exactly what I had expected(ordered) the house manager was quick to rectify the situation and even offered me tasty desert for my trouble. In a quick chat on the way out with some of the other patrons they said that the widely varied menu always had a consistent preparation and price.

It's just too bad McD's does not have a wine selection but the cool toys you get more than make up for it!

Michele said...

Ditto daisyfae's praise that you didn't allow this crime of bad food and service to ruin your night out with Mrs. BB. Good on you!

Very embarrassing for the friend of a friend who recommended the place, as you will, of course, always and forever secretly regard him with disdain and pity.

Anonymous said...

"you can't really leave in the middle of the meal"

Wanna bet?

I would never pay for bad food. I wouldn't necessarily get upset about it - I just wouldn't pay.

Glad you guys had a good time in spite of every attempt made to spoil it.

Anonymous said...

"Dogs don’t shine"
Depends on how long they've been in the reactor.

itelli said...

This shows me we are different class of wankers, u and me. I think I'm doing better in the League cos I would have gone for the "spasms" trick - i wouldn't have thought to ignore everything so that i devote myself to the missus.

beaverboosh said...

ian – this thing clearly tried to leave the ocean on its own… next time I will stick to my own picks!

daisyfae – LOL, top value!

nm – I hope for her sake he is a good duck… lovely but a bit of a wide boy!

uw - I have never had a bad meal at a Ramsey restaurant, he would have crucified the team at Scotts. Too right, paid for it, and laughed. It made a nice change!

zhu – the ambiance was excellent, it was like being in a Bogart film so we enjoyed being there. Unfortunately, the food…

shantanu – too right… other than principal chef in residence venues…

anonymous – hahaha LOL. Keep your fingers crossed for the launch of Chateau McGrimace…

michele – yeah, we were having to pleasant an evening, an laughing at the place. As for the friend, too right… though I will let him know

azahar – you are too right not to pay! Strangely enough, I will send wine back, but only food in a Michelin restaurant… and I always pay. What a mug eh!

kyknoord – good point. I must take note of this… “Only Nuclear Dogs Shine” perhaps. Of course, dogs rubbed down in oil based lubricants shine as well, and are slippery

itelli – we wankers are classless, transcending socio-economic barriers into wanker egalitarianism! Unfortunately I cannot do the spasm trick due to a complication at birth

Joanne Rasmussen said...

Hi, I am loving your blog. Thanks for stopping in at mine although I feel a little out of my depth so to speak. Firstly, I am so impressed that you enjoy your wifes co. after what sounds like you have been together forever!! well done. As far as leaving the rest. and paying, crap, but my hubby would have done the same.

beaverboosh said...

joanne - hey thanks for the message. Mrs. BB is my soul mate, it was our 4th anniversary!