Friday, March 13, 2009

Plastic Fantastic

Barbie celebrates her 50th birthday this week. She’s looking pretty hot for 50! Of course she is plastic.

Young girls around the world have grown up wanting to look like Barbie. Unfortunately for some this does not change as time passes, especially if the years are not kind to them.

This is surely a contributor to the dramatic increase in plastic surgery.

I rarely meet a trophy wife these days that has not had some sort of plastic alteration, if only minor. To be fair, I rarely meet a trophy wife that doesn’t deserve to be mounted.

Regardless of what you think about Barbie, she is BIG!

Barbie has always reflected the times: Swim Suit Barbie, Malibu Barbie, Warhol Barbie, Army Barbie, International Barbie, Nascar Barbie and Millennium Barbie, she is now world famous!

A Tattoo Barbie will be available on the market soon and experts are predicting it will not be long before a Pierced Barbie is available. There is even a Barbie Megastore opening in China.

Barbie is a role model for aspiring girls around the world. You can see where this is going!

The US: Celebrity Barbie – She’s rich, has her own fashion line and perfume, and parties for the planet. Drunk driving charges, a sex video on the internet, and a short jail stint are all part of the fun.

The UK: Ladette Barbie – She loves night clubs and wears Top Shop clothes with no knickers, drinks herself senseless passing out in a pool of vomit after shagging half of the football team in the loo.

Germany: Atchung Barbie – She is beauty and the beast, looks like Claudia Schiffer, shoots Schnapps, and loves a big hot Frankfurter. Under her lederhosen and knee socks she has more hair than a Yeti.

Russia: Belle de Jour Barbie – She shows up at your hotel room wearing fishnets, a short skirt and Manolo’s, takes credit cards, and has her A-Levels. She speaks 7 languages, is handy with a pistol, and has a PhD in soil mechanics.

India: Slumdog Barbie – She’s and Asian babe that escapes her cruel Mumbai overlords who wish to prostitute her, to find true love with a game show contestant and dances the night away Bollywood style at the train station.

Australia: Phone Me Barbie – No sheep shearing Sheilas here. Dressed in swim suits for the beach, this babe has her phone number written on her back in zinc sun bloc to attract the fellas and other low life.

Norway: Scando Barbie – Massive improvement on Malibu Barbie, looks pretty much the same but is a real blond, has bigger tits and isn’t stuck up. She drinks beer, is super friendly, down to earth, and swallows.

Canada: Wild Girl Barbie – Dressed in jeans and a tank top, she’s quick to rip up her top to show you her tits, drop her trousers to wiggle her booty in your face, and kiss other girls to drive you mad. Check out the VIDEO. Wasn’t like that when I lived there!

Unfortunately Ken, Barbie’s ‘male friend’, has not changed much from the 70s after getting muscles and a new head. He still prefers GI Joe to Barbie.



kyknoord said...

You don't think they were waiting for you to leave before letting their hair down?

ian in hamburg said...

Achtung, Barbie! I just spewed my sundowner.

You knew Angela Merkel was now a Barbie, too, eh?

The UK version reminds me a lot of Amy Winehouse.

...and finally:
Wouldn't the Norway Barbie be dressed in a homemade knitted sweater?

sunflower said...

Deep down you gotta love her, International Barbie that is.
Hey Jan, the knitted sweater is darn useful in -20 and a Scando Barbie's must have. Trust me I should know, never leave the house without one :)

Anonymous said...

when did you see me in that bikini?

Rob said...

Ahem. I didn't follow your link to Canadian Wild Girls. Afraid I might see someone I know and that would be....awwwwwwwwwwkward.

btw, tx for stopping by my blog and the link.


Anonymous said...

Warhol Barbie? Really?

Anonymous said...

you forgot Trailer Park Barbie! She's wearing a tube top, painted on jeans and 4" heels, while carrying 2 babies, a Pepsi and has a Marlboro Light 100 perpetually dangling from her lips...

and by the way? ken has no penis. i checked.

Anonymous said...

I had transexual barbie....I had two barbies and mum wouldn't buy me a ken; so I sex changed Barbie two with a quick hair cut and a major boob reduction.

Don't judge me. Necessity is the mother of invention. Bob and Barbie one lived happily ever after.

Anonymous said...

Forgot about Wall Street Barbie

Sucks you and your bank account dry, hits you up for a loan 6 months later and then invites you out to Tahoe for a party she's throwing to celebrate her performance bonus!

Joanne said...

And the Souff Efrican Barbie?

beaverboosh said...

kyk - yeah, my life story. Surely you mean before letting their tops and bottoms down

ian - good point, Dale jumpers for those from the sæther

sunflower - are you a milking maider from the sæter?

mm - think it was in the Sydney Morning Herald, recognsied your pert ass, think it had a map of the world on it too

rob - too right dude, saw my sister and half of my cousins on the website... tarts

az - well, he painted her... cool eh!

df - yeah, GI Joe wears the trousers, Ken likes it up the jackses

df - judge you, i was aroused reading this comment... you are clearly very creative

anon - hahaha, too right

joanne - well, help me out here, pick up the pen (keyboard)!

Joanne said...

I think we should leave this one for Johnny?

Zhu said...

How about a French Barbie? Or are they off-limit for kids?

beaverboosh said...

joanne - haven't heard from stensby in a while, drop him a note and get him into action

zhu - go for it... no off limits... she would likley smoke gitanes!

Jonny said...

I feel missed, thanx to both of you (Joanne and Beaver)!

First of all, Scando Barbie is an exact replica of our ISO standardized Hot Skando Babes with the attributes as you rightfully describe. Scando Barbie is currently stealing market shares from Wall Street Barbie. Although the services offered are strikingly similar, Scando Barbie scores on social responsibility. Hot Skando Babes are said to keep the suicide rates low on Wall Street which clearly rubs off on the plastic replica sales statistics.

The Rainbow Nation with 11 official languages has of course many, not only one. I can only name a few, but the Barbie market has undergone great changes. The Zulu Barbie is bear breasted with short skirt as she offers her goods before the Zulu king once a year. A number of other dark specimens can be mentioned, one with enormously big thighs and bum comes to mind. Recently they have cooked it down to one representing them all - the BEE Barbie also called the Currently Advantaged Barbie.

Then you got the Springbok Barbie, a conqueror and dominatrix and the Curry Barbie who loves to cook but strict and can give you a verbal lashing of not.

It’s dangerous to undermine any Barbies in SA, so bear with me if I forgot to mention anyone in particular. Joanne can maybe fill in...

beaverboosh said...

jonny dude, weclome back - hahaha BEE Barbie... brilliant... i need to get to Bergen so we can down a few jars and plan the next phase of hot scando babes!

Joanne said...

Johnny so well put and now I realise why I didnt want to offer an explanation of the S.A. chick. I am the PD barbie (presently disadvantaged)!