Friday, April 3, 2009

Condomed

Having sex with a 14 year old is mind blowing, if you are 14.

Once you are 16, there is an unwritten law. You can only have sex with those 16 and above.

At 18, having sex with a 20 something year old is a conquest. Having sex with a 30 something or a 40 something is almost unthinkable, unless they are really hot!

Condoms are going to be advertised around the clock in the UK in an effort to thwart teenage pregnancy. If you are having sex at 14, there is a good chance you live in the UK and are having unprotected sex.

The UK boasts the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe. The most recent well publicised Dad was 12 years old, and damn proud of it. For many youngsters in the UK, a baby is a means of obtaining income in the form of social benefits.

It is difficult to see how advertising will have any great impact, but I wish the campaign well.

A young teenage boy is unlikely to want to deal with the embarrassment and humiliation of walking into a pharmacy to purchase contraception. A young teenage girl may be a bit more mature, but walking into a pharmacy and asking for the morning after pill may be uncomfortable, though many are happy to display their wares on the internet .

Mom would be better off packing contraception in the school pack, or even better, fitting a permanent contraceptive device to the little one’s genitals. Of course, there is always the snip.

Most teenagers are genetically programmed to fuck. Whether you live in a trailer park, or your teenager is in a private same gender boarding school, the probability is higher than not that they are having sex.

Parents can do little but hope to engage in a productive dialogue and be supportive. Opra is more likely to have influence on your child and she’s talking about how women can better achieve orgasms with their partners.

Uncle BB passed on his sage but liberal view of sex to a sexually inquisitive teenage BB: 'Wait until you are in your 20s in college and the world is your oyster':

  • 'At 20 something, have as much sex as you can with whomever will have sex with you'
  • 'At 30 something, the field opens up and you can find yourself having sex with partners spanning a decade in either direction'
  • 'At 40 something, having sex with a 20 something is mostly a fantasy, or demands an hourly fee'
  • 'At 50 something, you become beguiled with youth as it is clearly becoming difficult to fool anyone of your age, so you’re lucky to get sex, even with your partner'
  • 'At 60 something, you just don’t care about sex as much. If you do, hope that your partner shares your passion
  • 'At 70+, if you still have the desire to have sex, are still physically capable of sex, and you can find someone to have sex with, go for it man.'
I am a good boy and dutifully and respectfully listened to the old fella who was in his late 50s, single and had travelled the world.

I reflected on his message which started out optimistically but ended rather bleakly. It wasn’t exactly compelling but I appreciated the sentiment.

In the end, I set out to have as much sex as I possibly could. Having sex with a 14 year old is mind blowing, if you are 14.

Beaverboosh

20 comments:

Corinne said...

So have the conservatives come out declaring this campaign as a degredation of family morals? And have the angry delusioned started barking about how sex education should be left with the parents? Or do these nutters only exist in America?

Good luck, UK! "Cover your stump before you hump" is always good advice. Doubly so if you intend on visiting Thailand or the Philippines.

Corinne said...

Degradation, even.

daisyfae said...

when i volunteered for planned parenthood, we noted a disturbingly large number of 10-13 year old girls coming in for monthly free pregnancy tests. often the same girls.... doing a little digging, we were disgusted to find that their partners were 14- 18 year old man-boys. made me want to take up the "whackin' board". Under 18? stay close to your own age...

Will the campaign work? Hope so. I'm a fan of free and available condoms. Give 'em out like candy in the schools, churches, restrooms, subways, clubs... only hope that behaviors will ever change...

kyknoord said...

As you say, teenagers are genetically programmed to fuck. The only effective way to get around that is to hack the code, or whatever else happens to come up.

ian in hamburg said...

When I was 19 working in the big town of Burns Lake, BC (population who cares) I "went out" with a 17-year-old girl for a while. One day I asked her how old she was when she'd first, uh, well, you know.

"I started kinda late."

"How late is late?"

"I was 13."

"What?? Thirteen is late?"

"Yeah. All my friends did it by the time they were 11 or 12."

livingladolcevita said...

Thank god we don't live in the actual middle ages when girls were ripe for the marrying at 12 or 13. We're genetically programmed to shag. Survival of the species and all that.

She says, mindful of her sinful past.

*evil grin*

Rob said...

Saying I learned after moving to northern (rural, no, very rural) Alberta:

"Old enough to bleed, old enough to breed."

Joanne said...

Ok - boring boring I know, but I have a 15 boy and a 13 girl and seriously they are not ready to make this mistake. I do think the SA teens maybe a little more protected (excuse the pun) especially in the schools that they attend, mine anyway. What I dont understand is why the Brits flaunt their teens sex morals in movies/tv sitcoms etc, the kids are barely into their teens and they seem to think that sex starts with a blow job and moves from there. Scary stuff if you have to consider the HIV stats here in SA. sorry if I have move away from the lightheartedness of your blog.

Speedcat Hollydale said...

Being inj my 40's ... I find this to be heartbreaking.

Ha haaaaaaaa !!!!!!!!!!1

American in Norway said...

I dunno... I have a few years before I have to worry about my kids (I hope) But I am all about scaring the shit out of them... worked for me..: ) Show them pictures of STDs etc. last week they had a show where they took teenagers into the delivery room & had them watch a film on delivering a baby... not a lot of fun... (maybe it will get them to think twice..)

Great blog!

beaverboosh said...

corinne - welcome * 2, love a degredaded speller... hahaha 'cover your stump...' lol, haven't heard that one before

df - v. disturbing. abso, maybe we should invent one that can be sprayed on?

kyk - start hacking dude, good luck

ian - yeah, i was a late starter as well

dolce - no worries, you are to wily, no man would have had you at 12... at 30 something... well...

rob - so canadian eh, a bit disgusting... mine was more old enough to wank, old enough to bank

joanne - ja, my SA friends tell me you don't have sex until you are matriculated (is that when the cyborgs come and assimilate your child-0)

speedcat - yeah, and freakin hard on the old credit card

american - hey girl, a big canadian welcome... ja, take em to a trailer park filled with unemployed loosers with herpes and brats running rampant... that is a good start... tusen tusen takk. Håper det går bra til deg. x

lisleman said...

First time at your blog - I noticed a lack of pictures that seems so typical on most blogs. Then I read a few posts (the big bang one = human physics) and I suggest you are better off keeping it with no pictures.

Sex is a fun topic and the theme of so many jokes. But once you have teenagers you get a completely different view of it.

The more you warn them the more they crave it. Sex drive can be dangerous stuff.

If we could only harness some of that energy.

Zhu said...

Having sex with a 14 year old is mind blowing, if you are 14.

I must admit the opening sentence is catchy, but I was a bit scared of the following!!!

12 yrs old dad? Well, at least they can play together I guess... No, seriously, that's crazy.

Shantanu said...

Hello my friend! You do a great job of using humor to highlight some really serious topics. Great post. :)

beaverboosh said...

liselman - welcome! harness the energy of our youth... brilliant... if we could then transplant into the geriatric population of Norway... hmmmm

zhu - yeah, crazy! so how old were you when, you know?

shantanu - hey dude, nice to hear from you. unfortunatly I find all bad and tragic things funny... personal experience i guess! Hey, have you thought any further about a book or television series... it could be BIG!

RennyBA said...

Interesting point of view ;-)

Btw: Thanks for the visit and compliments on my blog!
Terella = Little Earth (Terra means earth in Latin). You can read more about how I named my blog in the post here.

beaverboosh said...

renny - gauisus video vidi visum vos es in terra vel parum terra!

Uncle Keith said...

I wish someone had told me all this before I ended up on 'To catch a Predator'.

beaverboosh said...

uk - haha... just pull out the credit card next time

Caroline said...

Having had a teenage (step)son in the house here in the UK - I was alarmed by a seemingly new trend.

Girls from low income homes seem to think it's ok to fall pregnant early so that they can claim benefits and thus not have to stress about work (or finishing school). And of course it all looks very sweet until you have to wipe shit and stay up all night....

My mother's method was simple - she threatened to kill any 'gringo' found sniffing around.

Crude but it worked!