Our friend’s 5 year old was in the car with me when I raced into a roundabout and was cutoff to my right.
I slammed on the brakes and was nearly rear ended by a woman driving behind me.
“Asshole”, I hissed in a mild rage.
“Uncle BB, what is an asshole”, asked the little fella, not getting the pronunciation of asshole quite right in his native Norwegian tongue.
“Well Oskar”, I replied, “I am a dick! I’m a reckless, arrogant, stupid dick. The woman behind me is a pussy. And the guy that cut me off is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from assholes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let me fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!”
Oskar stared blankly at me and said nothing.
I felt much better.
Thank the gods the little fella doesn’t understand English. Well, much English.